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I'm trying not to repeat myself over and over, trying to hide how shitty I feel, because I know it just push him away, or throw dirt in the face of what he's currently expressing to me. I really wish I weren't like this. :/ All I can do is "fake it til you make it," it seems like. All I can do is just act like everything's as it ought to be until it is. I'm just afraid I'll never let go, never be able to believe him for an extended period of time. And that it come up someday in an argument, try as I might to avoid that type of thing. It's a flaw of mine, dredging. :( Last night when we had sex, he wanted me to mount him and I couldn't bear the idea of doing so. I couldn't bear looking at him while crushing him with my weight and being "in control." I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I know all the right ways to tell OTHER people to confront and overcome these feelings, but when I tell myself these things, it all rings so hollow. I guess I just can't get away from myself, and I am my own merciless enemy. Leeds Utah fuck from shower-plastic parts packer, and he walked into the room. From across the bay our eyes met and it was "- at first sight"! truly! I was 17, dating lots of guys, had been proposed to about 5 times already, but I never would commint to one guy. It took me from late July to to Oct to decide he was my only to date, and in Novemebr we discussed life plans, then he proposed. We married the following Feb. We just clicked! And from the time I met him to Oct I had 3 more proposals! I only slept with 2 of the guys that asked me to them, besides my. The one actually begged me to him, keep my on the side. He even said he'd let him father the, but he'd give them his own name, and claim them, plus he'd buy me a Maserati! I am a fool, I turned him down! He was a body builder by profession and stinking, and we are dirt poor. But in still!!!! ((((8)))) free webcam chat adult
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