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not trying to trick anyone just helping friend here to the friend. It sounds like you are all fairly ( you mention not coming out to your mom yet). She probably has her own issues and having this toxic stuff about their body and sexual identity dumped on someone by a best friend/ ex-girlfriend seems like it could do some lasting harm to a person who is just going on their way. I agree with Bicyclehips that you choices are: -go to therapy -talk to a completely unrelated friend -do therapy on yourself It sounds like your real animosity regarding women starts somewhere with these relatives. It's hard to tell if these people have actually wronged you because your post isn't that clear. If "defeatist" only means she works at Burger, never updates her resume and doesn't rake the leaves in her yard you might be a bit of a misogynist and you are being too hard on her. If "defeatist" means she has a chronic pattern of bad relationships and she always had drunk, abusive men at the house and nobody including you felt safe at home ..well that's a very different matter. It's impossible for us to tell if these women have actually wronged you in some way that started these feelings. If so then unlike the friend it is completely fair to bring them in to this and you should haul them in to the therapist's office and tell them.
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