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I found out from my vociferously ignorant neighbor that Deirdre has a new boyfriend. There was that initial feeling being replaced, of being bettered, of not being good enough, of wanting to lash out, of wanting to sulk in, I tried to rationalize it, mindspeaking that she will break up with him, that he's probably not as good as me, in this way or that. Perhaps I could swash this fly of a man. How dare..
That is all so pathetic. Those acid malice fulled emotions. I would like to say, being such an awesome charlie sheen of a man, that I pushed those negative selfish emotions away and they never came back. They come back. I get angry and thin, as if someone is holding my emotions up against the wall, as if my emotional well is being run dry, as if she broke my loving.
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I recently made that gut-wrenching choice. I left a verbally abusive marriage. Sometimes just making that choice is the hardest part. Things seem to fall in place for me after the initial decision was made. The positives for me were a sense of peace and returning to my home, a sense of myself returning as well. The are weathering it well and b/c I have made room for my own peace and happiness, I am so much more available to them emotionally. Living in an unhappy marriage costs a great deal. If you have little or no, it can't hurt to give separation a try. I understand the dread of leaving your, it was probably the last point in my decision making process. Fight for them as much as you can make them a priority, but in the times that you don't have them, work on healing yourself and filling yourself up so that you are % when you do have them. The big picture be healthier than them seeing both of you miserable all the time. We only get one shot at life I really encourage you to seek your truth and a better life. go down the Frankton Indiana tonight to hangout
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