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The circumstances were clear, but I bought in and after ten months of intense relationship, near living together and co-mingling families, she "needed to find herself". So, if you are able to clearly identify the troubling issues or warning signs up front, yet still choose to go forward because of the attraction to the "person" their intellect, worldliness, beauty and charm, how do I act in more a self-preserving manner and look elsewhere for the "Better" match because I clearly the issues. I REALLY saw them this time; 15 year age difference; only separated a few months from a 16 year relationship with unemployeed narcissist; going through the contentious divorce battle; a state custody evaluation; 2 under 6 (mine are 10 and 14); freelancer, not in therapy, on state assistance; lived hours drive away. I was out of my divorce over years and feeling really ready to try my hand at a simple ideas, but look what I chose to involve myself with. Brother. Rochester girl ready to fuckand the refuge of those without considered or explicit examples of failing. I think the more interesting issue here is why you feel you need to conduct a survey to validate what constitutes the label. As with almost everything, this is a matter of opinion and different people have different criteria to qualify. One -'s hero is another -'s reprobate. What some consider rebellion is seen by others as courage of conviction. There is no objective set of standards which can be applied to doom anyone to being a "loser." It is more meaningful for you to decide for yourself what the term means. And then to question yourself about why you feel that way. We can always discover meaningful and interesting things when we examine our own assumptions. If you wish you determine what it is that makes someone in particular apply the designation, ask questions about their assertion. Consider whether their perspective seems valid or is simply a reaction to disappointment. Trying to put yourself in their position can help you understand what values they are applying to the situation that nudge them to their beliefs. Since each of us put different weight on various ideals, knowing which is most important to them (eg; freedom/security, work/free time, spiritual enlightenment/material gain) can be very helpful in ascertaining how they view what makes a person a success or failure. In my experience, most people are doing the best they can. Compassion can go a way towards helping free us of the tyranny of self-righteousness. Philo "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. free friendship online
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