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I am almost 18 months from being finalized. years left of maintenance payments. I could not be happier leaving the lifeless, loveless marriage behind. I was married 18 years with great. While I am not advocating divorce for anyone, it worked for me. Life has balanced out for me. I have a decent enough apartment close to a downtown area. Financially recovering and close to on my k this year. Date often. Recent event confirming my divorce as the right thing: My ex is a drama, conflict starter, must apologize for things that you are not sure what you did kind of person. Last night at the HS awards I made a comment that my oldest is going to europe for the, and my youngest should move into the big room in the house I would do it this weekend, etc. She makes a comment that she didnt know my oldest was going to europe this (its a school program for about a month). I made the dig "maybe you should talk to your daughter more". she huffs away stating that we are not married anymore and she does not have to take it from me. I spent the awards night with my two, one being awarded in the school cafe. meanwhile letting my oldest know that we are switching rooms, since wont be home for a year plus via text. no issues, she responds fine. RECENT DRAMA -so today my oldest s (from college) me in tears. My ex ends around and rails her because she didnt know about europe. My daughter starts in on me about it. I stop her and explained to her that this nonsense drama is why I left your mother, and why our marriage died. It drove away friends, family, and has gotten her fired before. Take a deep breath, and understand how not to treat people. She stops crying, and tells me that she told her mother before, but she didnt listen. I am going over the house to move the rooms. Still come back to DIFO to the rants. sluty brown horny old la pepperdine MassachusettsFirst, if your wife goes for individual counseling, SHE be the client. If you go together for couples counseling, BOTH of you are the clients. My recommendation is that you each go for individual counseling, and both of you go for couples counseling. That's 3 therapists, one for each of you, and 1 for you as a couple. Lots of money, but I think it's time you put your money where your mouth is. This is not the time to cut corners. This is the time when you SHOW that you mean business. That you recognize that you're in crisis, and you're prepared to make substantial, permanent changes. If she refuses couples counseling, go for individual counseling anyway. Show her that you mean business. No words. Actions. There can be ethical conflicts when a therapist sees both of you in couples counseling, in addition to seeing one/both of you in individual counseling. The question of who is the client becomes muddled. Now, no therapist worth his/her salt give advice or tell the client what to do. Therapists don't have all the answers, and what works for one person/couple not work for another. Instead, they bring to the table all their skills to help the client(s) find their way to making their own decision(s). Forget the illusion of control; this is out of your hands. Your wife very well decide that the marriage is not worth saving. Or she shoot you one last, and if she does, recognize that it'll probably be your last, and don't blow it. That's where your individual therapy kicks in. Learn a better way. Take responsibility for your past behavior. Acknowledge the hurt you've caused, make amends wherever possible, and resolve to never be that again, with her, or in some future relationship. If you've lost your wife, accept it graciously and support her decision. Whatever the outcome, your best shot at this point is to go balls out and get ready to fight for your marriage. If this fails, be the most supportive father to your and ex that you can possibly be. Good luck. dating matchmaker
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