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So, I've read all the replies and your original post. What is it you're truly seeking? Do you want a female companion or a nursemaid? As you mentioned you don't enjoy being talked with and then blown off, are you absolutely ready for the truth? As a woman, if I dated you once and you continued to speak of the transplant and your sensitivity about it, that would be the last date. You must have something to offer besides surviving a surgery, don't you? Heart transplants happen daily, most people survive. Why would you be self conscious? Is the heart on the outside of your body? Any partner, male or female, doesn't want to dwell on fears, negatives, or insecurities. If you want a partner to be honest with you, you must let go of the "survivor/surgery" mode. Do you garden? Are you an artist? Can you sing or play a musical instrument? Do you work? Are you funny? Get what I'm saying you can't focus on a horrible event you "survived" and expect people to flock to you for dating. Like the duck said, you have to be more than that. When you are ready to drop the pity over having a surgery that almost everyone "survives", women likely date you. Praia grande girls feethere's the up to the minute truth. i sent him an this afternoon (in response to his latest of flurry of wanting to rehash all of his grievances, tell me how much he loves me and hint at maybe coming back) where i basiy told him why i him and have felt confident about our, but that i was going to move on since he left me, but if he could get clear on what he wants and agree to counseling, he knew where to find me and perhaps, if i were still available and still had feelings for him blah blah blah. when i wrote the, it felt like i was being sort of vulnerable and stating my truth, but after i sent it, i felt sort of angry, and like you said that its maybe time to shut the door all the way on this no matter what. i know the part of me that's holding on is afraid he come around/change/be able to offer me all the great that i want (that he often is) and i have missed it because i shut the door. im really torn between thinking it doesn't harm me to say, you can reach out if you get your mind right, maybe ill still be here and saying done and done. which likely eventually lead to him reaching out and saying all the right things and ill have to just assume i cant trust him. he's not a sleeze or a d-bag. he knows he's conflicted and he knows he has to reconcile the part of him that wants to go and the part that wants to stay. i guess the fear is what i outlined above, that ill say no more forever and out on the of my life. its especially hard because he's so wonderful for much of the time, until he shuts down and runs away. it's just not cut and dry at least not to me. female seeking men
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