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One day, an eskimo was riding his snowmobile to work and noticed that it was running poorly. He stopped at the repair shop to have them look at it. The repairman said, "We're kind of busy right now, but why don't you go across the street to the cafe and have something to eat, then stop back and me in a few hours." So the eskimo went to the cafe and returned to the repair shop two hours later. The eskimo asked the repairman, "What did you find?" The repairman said, "looks like you blew a seal." The eskimo replied (after wiping his mouth), "No, I just had ice cream!" chat with some sexy lady Carpinteria
She was poor, but she was honest Though she came from 'umble stock And an honest heart was beating Underneath her tattered frock 'Eedless of 'er Mother's warning Up to London she 'ad gone Yearning for the bright lights gleaming 'Eedless of temp-ta-shy-on But the saw her beauty She knew not his base design And he took her to a hotel And bought her a small port wine Then the took 'er ridin' Wrecker of poor women's souls But the Devil was the chauffeur As she rode in his Rolls In the -'s arms she fluttered Like a bird with a broken wing But he loved 'er and he left 'er Now she hasn't got no ring It's the same the whole world over It's the poor what gets the blame It's the what gets the pleasure Ain't it all a bloomin' shame? Time has flown, outcast and helpless In the street she stands and says While the snowflakes fall around 'er "Won't you buy my bootlaces?" him riding in a carriage Past the gutter where she stands He has made a stylish marriage While she wrings her ringless hands him there at the theatre In the front row with the best While the girl that he has ruined Entertains a sordid guest 'er on the bridge at midnight She says "Farewell, blighted -" There's a scream, a splash Good 'eavens! What is she a-doing of? So they dragged 'er from the river Water from 'er clothes they wrung They all thought that she was drownded But the corpse got up and It's the same the whole world over It's the poor what gets the blame It's the what gets the pleasure Ain't it all a bloomin' shame? insearch of a small femaleI was in the Army in Turkey and had sex with a virgin 17-year-old. I carded her (yes, really), and even as drunk as I was, I still knew enough math to come up with 17, which I knew was bad. Well, she convinced me that they start counting at day 1, so at day 1 you are in your first year of life and therefor 1, and she was therefor in her 18th year of life (true enough), and therefor considered 18. My little head said, "Hey, I like her math!" Well, turned out it was an entrapment scheme, and they dragged me off to jail. The US embassy rescued me, but I was given a choice: the girl, or go to Turkish prison for a few years. Given those choices, I chose marriage (having seen Midnight Express, I wanted no part of a Turkish prison). But on the day of the wedding, I absconded to the beach. Turkish family got pissed, but rescheduled. My superiors *ordered* me to be at my second wedding date (is it the Army's business to order their soldiers to attend weddings?). I couldn't do it, felt wrong, marriage under duress, so I absconded again. Lost a rank each time too, went from E4 (almost E5) to E2 in no time flat, two field grade article 15s. Finally, I came up with a third alternative: brutal threat plus bribery. I had a Turkish interpreter friend tell the girl's family that if they forced me, I'd her. And when I went back to the States, I'd dump her on the streets of New York City to live out her life as a non-English speaking street whore. Or, forget the marriage and I'd give them some money. We settled on grand, but they had a stipulation: we had to actually have the marriage ceremony and she would say no to me, thus preserving the family honor. So, we had the wedding ceremony. I brought a bodyguard that the Army had assigned me to keep me alive in the face of death threats from the family, and I brought along some other big, burly friends too. But the girl did as she was paid to do and said no to marrying me. I jumped up and cheered, clearly overjoyed, which pissed off her dad, who attacked me with a knife outside the government building where the ceremony was held. A friend, retired former special forces, knocked the knife out of the dad's hand, and I was hustled away to safety. So, 1 marriage *ceremony*, but no marriage, and thus no divorce. sex hot woman
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