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Feminine: You need a makeover. But it has to be done in a way that affirms who you are. Tomboy is ok. Not a problem. Problem is when you dress defensively, which sounds like what you are doing. Good hair, dress, and makeup is more important than a few extra pounds. Personally, I don't like skinny. >> "I'm just not comfortable in girl's clothes ." You must find a way to be comfortable in clothes that say you want to look good. I'm not talking about a makeup job and frilly clothes and all that. It could be as subtle as a small change in hair and makeup and definitely better clothes. If you must wear jeans, buy the best fitting, sexiest jeans available. Come on, don't button up that shirt. That's a defensive posture, very off-putting. Get a nice blouse and show a little chest. Not immodest, just relaxed. You do wear at least a little makeup, don't you? Like it or not, you must. Women without makeup are organiy unattractive. Get help with that if you have to. You also need to dress up a notch all the time. Buy better clothes. Get help from a trusted girlie friend picking them out. Your trusted girlie friend knows better than you do what you should wear. Always look like you're interviewing for your dream job. You are. It's going to take a lot of thought and self-examination to come up with a new look. You can't stay the way you are. It's clearly not working for you. Something has to change on the inside to bring out a change on the outside. This could take months, but it would be worth it. Think "Damn right I'm a girl! I'm a girl and proud of it!" Friendly: When you get a better self image, one that doesn't force you to dress the way you do now, there be a light in your eyes that draw men's attention. Your increased self-confidence take care of how you deal with that. If you like yourself, you'll be better equipped to project a friendly attitude toward a who interests you. He needs to feel welcome into your life to overcome his normal fear of rejection. Iowa City discreet married sex;-) I'm honest. But I try to not be hurtful. So unless he looks awful/inappropriate, I'm not likely to say anything. But I can almost always find one thing to compliment a guy I'm with on, and I try to focus on those things. I've noticed that when I compliment my guy, I'll the same thing (or similar clothing items) show up more often. My fave ex has this Jennings sleeve t. He was wearing it one of the first times we met, and it really looks good on him! I loved it both because he looked good, and because it reminded me of our honeymoon stage, and I'd always compliment him when he wore it. We've gotten together over drinks about 12-15 times since we broke up and probably 5 of the times he was wearing it. Last time it happened, I teased him (kindly) about it, and asked whether his gf should be worried was he trying to sweep me off my feet? And he laughed and said "You made me feel good whenever I wore it, so I wear it a lot because it makes me feel good." He also said that I always made him feel as though I was proud to have him by my side when we went places, so he'd try to pay attention to my compliments so he'd know I could be proud. Does that make sense? It's like reward-based training. (I know I get flak for this.) If you recognize and praise the things you like, you'll that more often. I find too, that as the praiser, I look more for things that I like, rather than things I don't so I overlook minor things that are non-issues that I might otherwise focus on like in his case, it'd be that he *always* wore stained black carhartts pants, never jeans, or cords, or what not. Honestly, if I'd focused on that, it would have bugged me to no end. Instead, I it as one of his quirks that make him uniquely him. Anyway. Praise is good for both people. Negativity is bad for both people. I try to set the example of what I'd like and expect from my partner, and honestly? I *-* compliments. local dating sites
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