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Rockingham mature amateurs so, now that i am single (gasp!), i have been doing a lot of thinking about what i want out of future relationships. i have decided that kink always be a part of who i am, and that i want it to be something valued by future partners. however, i do not want it to be the main focus of the relationship or the reason we got together in the first place, if that makes sense. i appreciate that some of you would make it a higher priority than myself but what i am interested to know is: how did you meet your kinky partner? i am more interested in people who knew they were kinky and started a new relationship, not those who "learned along with their partner" types. i am not looking for dating advice at this time, i plan on staying single for a while yet but i have never had to "date" with this issue before. how did you bring it up? did you meet in a "vanilla" setting and it was just a coincidence? i am totally rambling here, and not expressing exactly what i have been thinking about i guess i worry about disclosing too much about my kinky leanings in the fear that be the reason someone wants to date me, ya know? any advice or musings welcome. free swingers in Cool California
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there are too unknowns, obviously things you BOTH wish you could say to eachother, but are too emotionally paralyzed at the moment to say anything. Otherwise, she wouldn't be saying hi or coming up to you and tapping you on the shoulder. To me, that says, "We have unfinished business." And I don't know if that means she wants to get back together or if she just isn't acclimating well to the breakup. I would guess she still has feelings for you, but if she's a drama, she not know how to have a mature conversation. Sometimes woman become drama lovers as a result of their partners being distant, or not involved enough, like they have to create drama just to get attention. Examine yourself on this one, you could maybe have an issue with listening and responding well in conversations. I think sending her an might be a good idea, it allow you to put your thoughts and concerns down on paper, without interuptions. You could tell her that you still her, but that you fear trying again with the status quo. Ask her how she feels at this point? Then, offer the option of going to a counselor together, or a facilitator, someone who perhaps could direct and keep the conversation moving in a helpful direction. You two could talk about what's going on. In the end, you have negotiated a better new relationship, OR, a peaceful breakup where you don't walk around wondering what could have been. You'll both know where you stand and can go from there. It would result in a positive outcome, either way. That's what I'm thinking, based on what I've read. I think being PROactive is always better than waiting around, licking your wounds. Get in there and take control of your life. Might turn out really well. xxx swingers my wife
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