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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. fucking for free Reynoldsville West VirginiaI just barely learned of the borderline thing of weeks ago. Happened upon the book 'surviving a borderline parent'. It was a shockingly illuminating read!!! 98% every applicable. I'm so grateful to have learned that, so now I can start shoveling myself back together lol. I got over the jerk ex rapist. boyfriend years ago, I don't care, yes I'm over that. My mother, no. My dad ignoring everything? no. What I sooooooo desperately want to get past now that I understand it is self-sabotaging all my life. Abusive relationships I plopped myself into. Dumb feelings that I'm experiencing with the great I finally have for no reason? Guilt. Guilt because I wanted a different mother. Numbness. She almost died two years ago, multiple hemorrhagic stem strokes. I was there with her when it happened, I took her to ER barely in time for it to happen and was there watching while the ER people ran around. Surreal. Numb. I never felt sadness or pain, just nothing. And still nothing, and so guilty for that still. I want to get my feelings back before she's gone forever. I do her You've been through it, haven't you? And now I'm crying :( Thank you match maker dating
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Slana Alaska mi women looking for sex com it's preposterous and myopic to imagine it was the most devastating global event of the decade. Totally agree the media's annual week /month observations stem from and encourage a Copernican view of the US and further agree that kind of view is what sparked such hatred in the first place. But it's an event most of us shared. Plus, the top post was from a NYer to me, that was significant. I can't fault those who witnessed it, lived with the stench of seared bodies, and/or lost a loved one for wanting a little catharsis today or any other day. Unfortunately, it was a turning point we're still living with. A turn that led to greater division and demagogy crippling divisions, hate speech, an erosion of rights, protections, and concern for humanity that affects us, our, AND much of the world. The thread was an invitation to discuss that. I strongly believe it's worth discussing and TRYING to attention to the fact that navel-gazing doesn't have to be the only response, that we can and should go deeper than waving and get the ship back on course. And I don't much care which forum it's done on. I just want it done. You, yourself, link to all the lives destroyed by our senselessly destructive response. Cathedral City lonely mature women Columbus inlet colony horny women
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