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I am in my early 40's and in the best shape of my life. I posted previously in another forum a while back where I was flirting with the idea of approaching a stranger that frequents my gym. That was about 2 months ago and still I practiy dream about her every night and I her from afar every other day. But during the course in trying to understand this nonsense crush I have, the other day it REALLY hit me for the very first time . I suddenly looked at my wife and thought she was attractive then thought to myself "if my wife was a stranger at the gym shooting glances at me, I would develop a crush and think about her all the time". Generally speaking, our relationship (trust, comfort, etc) is solid and we never bicker or argue (really, we get along well and enjoy each others company) but the kicker is . we have ZERO passion. She loves me but she doesn't run up and hug and kiss me when she sees me. When we go to bed she'll roll over and go to sleep without saying anything as if we were roommates. These are just some examples to give you the idea. I on the other hand, am the romantic type, always holding the door open, telling her how beautiful she is, showing her constant affection. Even though she likes the way I treat her, I figured out that if I refrain from showing affection, she'll never make such gestures to me. She's not doing anything on purpose, I just have come to realize these are her natural ways. She doesn't make me feel good inside about myself even though I know she approves of me being her husband. I am not blaming her or mad at her for any of this. But it is concerning to me that I don't feel like she's connecting with me spiritually and sexually. I know if I say anything to her, she try to change but its only because I say something (we've had these types of conversations before). I don't want to change her but it almost feels like I am living FOR her, not living WITH her. Am I being an asshole for wanting to have my ego stroked by the opposite sex? Do I cut away and deal with the separation drama and hurt her, just because I'm horny? Thanks for listening and for any advise or feedback. Lonely, misunderstood and horny but otherwise happily married (LOL) like to find a mexican ladyWell, then, let me be clear. If I insinuated that people shouldn't go into straight bars by explicitly saying that straight people should be cautious of going into bars, let me state in no uncertain terms that I certainly didn't mean to. Because straight people and people are not the same. The impact of a person going into a straight bar is not the same as the impact of the reverse happening. The outcome is not the same. The meaning is not the same. So stating that one is acceptable does not in any way, shape, or form mean that I also believe the other is acceptable. In an imaginary utopia where people were absolutely, positively equal to straight people and treated that way by society, the two acts would be functionally identical and I would agree with you unhesitatingly. But we don't live in that world yet. And until we do, pretending that the two things are the same is damaging, because it sends straight people the message that they are not in a position of privilege, in turn allowing them to deny that there are any problems with the state of sexuality in this country. So the problem never gets solved. adult find friends
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