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"The fact he is coming out is not bad.. it was just upsetting that his wife was totally unaware of it." Not to trivialize the situation, but that line strongly suggests that her reaction is mainly a response to a surprise. Even the nastiest surprise stops being surprising after a while; or to put in in other words, if she gives herself time, she'll get over her upset. For closeted men, it takes a lot of backbone to come out, so the husband's inability to confront the simple truth that he's queer, a dirty fag, a nasty fudgepacker, and he's going to break out in a pink feather boa any minute that inability is entirely understandable. Of course, as out men we know that none of those pejorative remarks are valid (except possibly the pink feather boa part), but it takes time to realize that being queer isn't the same as being some kind of subhuman. From where I sit, the most serious aspect of the situation looks to be the husband's drinking problem. If he asked me for my advice, I'll tell him to smell the coffee, admit he's queer (in some sense or other, whatever floats his boat), stop the drinking and dramatizing, realize he's acting out all the lies he's been told about gays, straighten up his back, and confront the future with a smile on his lips. "Acting out all the lies he's been told about gays." IOW, he's giving power to the people who promulgate those lies; is that what he wants, to let those cocksuckers control the way he leads his life? A better reaction is cold rage at being lied to. blow job Bippus massageI think there's a difference between a passing fantasy and emotional or physical infidelity. I was on a business trip recently and met a married woman about my age with whom I thought I instantly clicked intellectually and emotionally we seemed to be much on the same and she was a genuinely nice person. Now the way wiz is wired if there appears to be an intellectual and emotional match it's natural for me to start thinking about a sexual connection. The woman was married (happily, I assume) and I am also happily married, but I spent a fair bit of the business trip thinking about spending or hours exploring this person. Hell, there are about women here where I've thought and hard about what it'd be like to spend a weekend seeing if I could get them to repeatedly out to their Deity and I've never met any of them. One of them was even kind enough to share a bit of a fantasy with me ;-) But fantasy is not reality. These people are all in (I assume) committed relationships as I am and the fantasies are fun but that doesn't mean I'd toss my current relationship to go bump uglies with someone who's piqued my interest. So should I leave my wife because I spent a couple evenings fantasizing about the nice woman I met? Hell, I *-* my wife fantasizes about people other than me whatever gets her through the night is just fine. Now if I was seriously considering breaking marriage vows then I think you're right I need to take a step back and take an objective look at things but for me there's a clear difference between fantasy and reality. Hell, there's a girl at the local Hooters who's almost thirty years younger than me but she's got the bright eyes, the quick smile and the sharp wit that really attracts me and I've thought several times about what it'd be like to entertain her for a weekend but all it is is fantasy. In real life she and I would hate each other after not much longer than that weekend, as although she's got most everything I look for in a woman she and I might as well be from different planets when it comes to intellectual and emotional maturity. I'd tire of her quickly and she'd probably feel the same. As I said I *-* my wife fantasizes about other people. free dating advice
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