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Sometimes I think my wife married me because I didn't have sex with her. I thought that would change after marriage, but evidentially she didn't. She doesn't want me to cheat, but I am at that point where I have to. She has installed security cameras all over the house to try and make sure I don't even masturbate. ¶ It wasn't that bad at first, but now whenever she catches me she breaks one of my Manilow albumns or sends a shock to the dog collar she makes me wear. I would fight back, but I don't have any arms. ¥ Anyone willing to expiriment with me, I mean sexually, not like the doctors when I was. I never in my life be able to look at marbles the same. § Seriously, I would to have my first time be warm, special and involve chili spiced chocolate milk. Please bring a crazy straw for me, wife only stocks those little coffee straws. ♣ who wants a missed connection
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