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I think a lot of these problems are compounded in same sex relationships. "Both of those problems are because we think we have to be something we're not. Women are taught that there's some sort of higher moral ground in hating sex. Men are pressured into a lot of sexual conquests, even if they're more comfortable with one partner." People joke about lesbian bed death. It happens in all relationships, reguardless of the gender of the partners, but if you have two people who are socialized into denying sexual desires, and have had natural sexual agression subverted, you probably have unsatisified partners. As for the men wanting a committed partner, a family, or a domestic-centered life is viewed by some activists as a complete sellout to hetero-centric societal norms. They say "You don't have to live that way." Sure, but what if you want to? Not to mention how difficult it seems to be for some of them to risk emotional exposure. Guys tell me their bad bf stories, and except for problems, this seems to be the biggest relationship killer out there. date finder San ClementeI don't understand much of your post, but I want to try to help. You say you're looking for an LTR and you've been finding men to date who "seem to resonate with your new found energy." Yet: "I cannot find men around my age with who want a term relationship." And men w/out make you suspicious: "I need some assurances on why would these men were never married in the first place or had families" You think there's something 'wrong' w/ the men who've never been married and/ or had -; there's something wrong w/ the men who've been there/ done that, but don't want those things/ an LTR with you. In this logical loop, there's something wrong everyone even you!: "I cannot think like a. My thinking is little clouded because I am a woman." Frankly, I don't know any woman who'd ever say such a thing (esp. not one in her 40s but I'll remit my back-burner inklings, re: your gender ). Your 'perceptions' are deceiving you. Forget the self-betraying mess about maturity/ immaturity/ age; forget about (existent or not); forget marriage. These ideals/ 'plans' are disallowing you from getting in on the ground floor w/ these men. You come in w/ too preconceptions, jumping too far ahead in your mind. In this way, you cut these men (and yourself) off at the knees, and ultimately fall back on your old 'flight'-oriented habits (though they're manifesting in a new configuration, they're still there). Get to know the men you date think of them as new friends. Spend time, talk to them about their/ your interests, feel them out, and get a sense of their attitude. Learn about them on their own terms. don't try to define them based on airy nothings. And avoid discussing term goals, past relationships/ residual fears in the early mtgs. (It could be that the once-married/ men who have sniff you out as a desperate ring-seeker.) Keep interactions in the present. single dates
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