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then it wouldn't be so hard for you to be in his presence for a few days without you feeling like he's "contaminating" your life. Every sentence you've written about him in this thread has been dripping with contempt and revulsion. I didn't say you were wrong for feeling that way about him but I was disputing that you're not still carrying a chip on your shoulder. By your own admission, you still yourself as a "victim" to that monster. The first step towards truly liberating yourself from that mentality is to stop seeing him through the lens of the past. Why get all worked up about him coming for a visit? I agree with Sphynx that it's best he stay at a hotel, but you don't want him there at all. Look, he was a really shitty father and you're probably never going to get an apology or any self-awareness from him. Is he a narcissist? Could be. You're not exactly immune from mental issues either. He'll be dead enough one day but he's also your father. Still means something to him or he wouldn't be wanting to come you. It's not about pretending that past never happened, but making the best of what's there now. Even if it's just for a few days. looking for sex in Dana IowaYour words seem to have come from my mouth/heart! This thread has been very empowering for me! I am actually a Shamanic Healer in WI, and I need the person I connect with to be open and loving toward all life. I cannot live with someone that is not evolving. I as well am in this process of "finding myself" in that process at 33 I realized I am not into men and it has been there all my life .I had completely forgotten about it and when it surfaced I was like HUH .???? A very good friend of mine was having a conversation with me and out of no where she says "when are you going to realize you are?" I just looked at her ..because I know how intuitive she is and she knows how intuitive I am so needless to say I was FLOORED! It takes a lot to shut me up and she did with that one little sentence. So, that was months ago and since then the unraveling has been astounding to say the least I had memories flood me of times forgotten that pointed fingers directly to what she said .and then my string of abusive relationships .and then my personality I was floored once again and if that were not enough to top it off ..I was cleaning and making a space into an office in my home and 5 cards fell out of a book which belonged to a tarot deck I got rid of all 5 had to do with what I am experiencing and one was SEXUALITY <3 Though I did not know this about myself till now .it feels more right then anything has in a time. It helps things to make sense instead of feeling like the grain is being rubbed the wrong way yet how in the world could I not have known this about myself???? Astounding <3 I felt safe to open up about this here so please be gentle on me I am very sensitive. 50 dating
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