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Shortly after her wedding, the newlywed wife is complaining to her mother about her husband's insatiable sexual appetite. "He wants to do it 15 times a day, anytime, anyplace, anywhere on the table, on the stairs, on the sofa, in the car, in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. I can barely walk anymore!" The mother advises her daughter to tell him that she has her period, which seems like a good idea. So that evening, when the husband comes home from work, he proceeds to undress himself and his wife, when she stops him. "I'm sorry sweetie, but it's that time of the month." The husband gets up, looks at his wife, and says, "It's all good. I understand." He puts on a robe and walks away. The wife is somewhat surprised at the mature reaction of her husband, until a few minutes later he returns holding two glasses and a bottle of champagne. So she asks, "What's going on, dear?" "We're celebrating!" he replies. "Celebrating? What exactly are we celebrating?" she asks. "Anal sex week!" i need a shag tonight for free
The Coffee Enema Mistake by Greene My friend was talking about again, and this time she left an one instruction sheet on the coffee enema, which I thought I had followed to the T. I must have done something terribly wrong as I just got home from the emergency room. I can't believe I let her talk me into this crazy idea! I brewed a pot of Kona and Jheri Rigged an enema bag on a bookshelf hanger next to my bed. I lubed myself and inserted the tip. As I let go of the clip, the coffee began to flow. I was astonished that the temperature was so hot, but I continued, as said nothing about letting the coffee come to room temperature first. I thought the whole idea was to do it very hot. There were no cramps to speak of, but it was a shocking feeling for me. I got, so I tried to relax, and the coffee was so scorching, i think that my anus got confused as to the hot/cold sensations due to the shock of it all, I took the almost full bag before my mind registered an agonizing and burning pain. I got up as quickly as I could and expelled it in the bathroom and when I did the pain hit me even worse than before. I doubled over and I'm not even sure what I was saying or how loud I was, but I do remember screaming a lot. My insides were throbbing, and it made my heart race when finally the caffeinne started to hit me. I tried to soak myself in a tub of cold water, put ice cubes up my ass to stop the burning, but nothing worked. Finally, 3 hours later, my neighbor (you met him last -the single father with the twins) had to pick me up off of the sofa and me to the car where we went to the emergency room. He said he threw cold water on me to bring me back because I was losing consciousness, and I don't really remember much of my experience until I woke up in the hospital the next day. All in all, the doctor told me I was lucky, that the coffee had only caused 1st degree burns of the colon, lower and sigmoidal, and part of my uterus. girl fuck Irvingof Texas. But it feels like everyone I've ever met from there knows SOMEONE with a lakehouse or cabin. Scour your friends! SOMEONE must have a getaway place you could drive to and stay a week for free. In exchange of course for some time on your sofa when they want to visit LA. Which seems the next-most popular destination city for Texans, after New York. looking for a life time relationship
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teen girls Toledo to fuck Here, check out my list- 1) Doesn't talk about things which piss them off, then waits and explodes on you in a furious diatribe about the last months. Ugh. 2) Being so stubborn about an argument they can't concede a thing. 3) Watching an episode of Married With without telling me it's on and/or inviting me to watch. Party. Foul. 4) Not brushing their teeth. It's just no. No way. 5) If she robs a bank, makes off with more than 50, dollars, and doesn't share any of the loot with me. Anything less and I understand; but when you get to fifty large, it's time to share. Or at least buy me a soda. 6) If they prop their feet up on the dashboard of my car without apologizing to her first. A simple of the board can suffice. 7) Silly hypocrisy. 8). Note I said. 10) If she utters "this fourth of Battlestar Galactica was really their best," we're seeking counseling. 11) If we're at a music and must pick between and (insert name here), a hesitation of at least ten seconds is appropriate. 12) If she goes to the and doesn't bring me back a rock or at least takes the time to stop on the side of the road and pick out a reasonable facsimile to fool me with- dealbreaker. 13) "I want the Bridal Chorus for my wedding." You do realize that it's from an in which the couple breaks apart, right? right? 14) "Cool-hwhip." 15) "I want eight." 16) Intolerance of meat eating. I like meat. A lot. And if you don't like me eating meat, our meeting meet a meted uh meat meet something. 17) "Eww, sushi!" *sigh* 18) Playing minigolf without a sense of furious passion. That clown is mocking you with his hand-waving; don't take his crap. Shove the ball straight down his throat! 19) Some sign of financial sensibility. Something. Anything. A change jar even. 20) Habitual lateness. The cool part is, my list is probably do-able. ;) free pussy Hanley, Saskatchewan single women who is ready for sex Hartline Washington ark
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