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A happy marriage and A lot of people are too messed up to make that happen. But you are not. Despite that tragic event, you created a fulfilling life and have much to be have much to be proud of. I don't doubt the emotions the event are confusing. They are what they are; and you have to make peace with loving the, wishing he'd gotten help, and loathing his desperate acts the pain they caused. I know it's not easy. But you mention shame: nah, jettison shame. No rational person feels anything but compassion for the fourteen-year-old whose life exploded. She was a victim. One's heart hurts for her. The gut response of any rational adult is to want to protect her, to very much want her to be okay. And you are! Had you wanted, you could've acted out the pain confusion, turned to -/alcohol, become an embittered problem person. Instead, you kept your tender heart, married a supportive, had great are doing quite well. Of course, there are cruel irrational people. But there are also a whole lot of rational people who have been rooting for you along. You have every reason to replace shame with pride in your resilience fundamental sanity. While it’s right and natural to grieve the loss of your father, you are not him. You’re not responsible for the good things he did or the bad. Look at Kaczynski: he is greatly admired for the way he handled his familial tragedy. No shame whatsoever attaches to him for loving his brother (the unabomber) or being related to him. As for reaching out: familial tragedy is always a difficult subject. It makes people uncomfortable because they don't know what to say fear saying the wrong thing. So, you need an inner circle one or two friends or relatives you can turn to when you need to discuss this subject. I, personally, wouldn't discuss it with all my friends, only a select few. I’d also shield myself from news stories that remind me of the past. You’ve been through enough. No need to poke at the wound. You owe it to yourself, your husband to protect your sanity let the past recede. Because the truth is there really is SO much more to life, so much in the present. Nothing's more fun than Christmas with toddlers. Your life, your, your marriage, your are in the present: stay with them. lonely women Farwell MinnesotaThere is "I am divorcing your mother. The reason being that she has repeatedly cheated on me. Beyond this, there really isn't much to discuss. I both of us as your parents can minimize the stress this is going to cause. I did not ask for this, but I am also not going to be a and walked all over. I as your father deserve better treatment than I have gotten, and this is the start to me not being walked all over, again." that? I didn't demonize the mother, but I also didn't white-wash it with some namby-pamby double talk that usually ends with the teenagers hating their parents (more) or worse, letting them think it is THEM that is the reason they are breaking up. You can toss on the obligatory "We both you and neither of you are the reason we are getting divorced." if you want, but there is a they won't buy it. Yes, I do remember what childhood is like, or supposed to be like. And I can tell you from my perspective I would rather be told than to be given an intelligence insulting pitiful excuse than just the truth. Like I said, dirty details don't HAVE to be given. THAT is tongue-wagging. We just disagree on the points. I am ok with that. Not everyone has to agree all the time. Both of you (Duck) make good points, I just don't agree with them. If this was reversed, I can very easily the forum screaming for the mom to spread it to everyone that he was swinging his into everything it could fit into that was relatively breathing and moving slower than him. Sorry, but deserve the truth, and they are old enough to get it. local ladies
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