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black fuck lebanon lady that I often do. The past was so simple, and everyone was still here as you know, when you are fifty something, friends and relatives have died, moved, are ill, whatever. The talk goes from party talk to doctor talk and who is having what procedure done, dental issues, and as you mentioned, the struggle with bills and just trying to stay afloat. My past was wonderful really wonderful. Now so people I loved are gone. Holidays for me are mostly memories of how things used to be, what we all did, the places we went, the gifts we bought each other. Last Christmas I went out to dinner at a place we all used to. I sat there alone at a small table, and kept looking over at a big table we all used to fill. In my mind, my mother and father were there smiling, ordering more rolls, my husband laughing and telling his silly jokes, giving me a kiss now and then, all of us enjoying the evening. And now all I have of that is the memory. Sure I have a few relatives left and some friends here and there, but it's not quite the same. And no matter what happens or what I do, I cannot get them back. So yes, lots of us feel as you do. All we can do now is try to go on as best we can.
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