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I'm not a waiter. I'm not a him-hawer or a procrastinator. I can clearly remember how enjoyable things were in the past and so I set a goal for myself. That goal was simple "Make those things enjoyable again." Sitting around and waiting for them to suddenly get fun accomplishes nothing but wasting time. So I thought about it for a while and developed a plan to move myself to the point I wanted to be at. My stated problem was: "My disinterest is triggered from 2 places 1 illness and 2 over emphasis on performance" Meaning illness brought about a lack of libido and questions of functionality and my mind was turning that into a mountain instead of a molehill. Step two is to form a hypothesis mine was simple again: "With illness mostly behind me, I can jumpstart my own libido and desires by willfully placing myself in sexual situations." In other words don't fucking avoid it, seek it. If you aren't interested in football but wish you were because you can remember a time when you loved playing it the best way to if you can develop an interest in football again is to play it. Not watch it or talk about it. Make it real. Step was to find a partner and explain the situation reach an understanding and move forward with experimentation until I DO find things that I can sexualize and situations I can enjoy and things that I can. Forcing myself to do things I don't want to provides me opportunity to find items I would like to do while also providing a sort of compromise action for the partner where she is getting what she wants, even if it isn't due to my for the actual action. After that I can tailor my actions to incorporate more and more of the bits that I do like and over time there be less and less compromise and more -/interest. You only live once if you spend your time waiting for Godot, the only view you remember is of a park bench. We make our own reality I don't want to be content with the status quo or complacent I would rather be able to say at the end of my life that I did things I didn't like and didn't want to find 3 things I adore than that I did 3 things I liked and wondered about. fuck budy on Temple
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