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Ask The Expert: ‘Am I undatable because I’m HIV+?’ Kort By Kort, relationship expert 11:00am EDT Question: I have a good job. I am athletic and health oriented. I am the boy next door. I live right outside of one of the largest and gayest cities in the world. I have awesome family and friends. Oh, and I happen to have HIV. Because of the latter, all the other traits I can bring to the table seem not to matter when it comes to dating. I have tried HIV dating websites and social events but I have been unsuccessful. Since my status does not define me and I do not like limiting myself to just HIV+ guys, I am open to dating anyone who fits into what I look for in a. Although the statistics amongst urban males regarding HIV seem like this would not be an issue in , it still is. My question is how do I deal with HIV stigma and dating without giving up? Signed, Seriously single and losing. Dear SSLH, I that you do not define yourself by your health status! Leading with who you are as a person rather than your health status as your primary image of yourself is going to shape your dating experiences. Using one’s status as an excuse or feeling victimized by it is a recipe for poor self-esteem and bad dating experiences. I agree that even in the HIV stigma exists among men—and straight men and women as well for that matter. I had a client who is very handsome, physiy in great shape with everything a partner could want in a in terms of both looks and personality. He experimented on dating sites by posting two different profiles; one, which doesn’t mention his HIV status, and one that does. He received more inquiries than he can handle when he left his HIV status off and considerably less when he added it to his information. FULL STORY: looking for a 18 25 year oldWell, then, let me be clear. If I insinuated that people shouldn't go into straight bars by explicitly saying that straight people should be cautious of going into bars, let me state in no uncertain terms that I certainly didn't mean to. Because straight people and people are not the same. The impact of a person going into a straight bar is not the same as the impact of the reverse happening. The outcome is not the same. The meaning is not the same. So stating that one is acceptable does not in any way, shape, or form mean that I also believe the other is acceptable. In an imaginary utopia where people were absolutely, positively equal to straight people and treated that way by society, the two acts would be functionally identical and I would agree with you unhesitatingly. But we don't live in that world yet. And until we do, pretending that the two things are the same is damaging, because it sends straight people the message that they are not in a position of privilege, in turn allowing them to deny that there are any problems with the state of sexuality in this country. So the problem never gets solved. married women wants for men
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