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I tried smiling and acting like I always do with a customer, but I stammered a little.
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Your natural state is to be attracted and in. You then took years and years to destroy that natural state through whatever bad behaviors. It get better if you change your behavior but it take years. An example: Flowers are a good idea and should be given regularly but they are for HER, not for you, not for her to forgive you, not for anything but for her. If she thanks you, great if not great,so what,they are for her. It doesn't matter if she throws them out because they are for HER. In fact if she did throw them out and you went and bought her more the next day that would good. Flowers shouldn't be for you to feel good about getting them for her. If they are given with any other reason than because you know she likes them then frankly they are seen as an empty and easy fix. (don't stop giving them though:)) Counseling is however not empty and easy. It not only help you but it SHOWS her that you care. Stop drinking if you do. Really! Even if you don't think you have a problem. If she asks why tell her because it's can only help our relationship. Again it took you years to mess it up and it take time to repair. You should look at your marriage as helping your therapy and not the reverse because your marriage is just a part of your life that needs working on just like the rest. Also buy a punching bag and a video camera. Video yourself acting like an a-hole to the woman you and you'll really what she sees. tell her that you want her to video you acting in ways that frighten you. If she won't, force yourself to set-up a video with a tri-pod and hit play. (I think you'll that you calm down quickly if you know that you are being filmed.) Anger comes from lack of control. You don't WANT to control her. You want to appreciate her and experience her being herself. If she's not doing something the way you want it to be done, just do it yourself. Once she sees that you aren't being controlling she'll WANT to work together. And again it take time- lots of time but you'll both like the person you've become. take it to heart. horny girls in Bernice Oklahoma msalso, take all the american POV ehre witha grain of salt. They (guys and women) are conditioned to think of everything as the guys fault. It is aleays the guys fault for not giving teh woman enough, enough sex, etc. they can never understand that a woman someone with zero and even little interest in sex, and just for the resume their gold diggers actually provide sex and fake to start with. Even when ur wife ahd an affair with her cousin, the american POV blame you with not romancing her enough they can never understand the fact that the woman was probably having an affair with her cousin in itself, and as he was probably a good-for0-nothing guys with no job/career prospects, she just married you for the lifestyle etc. they never understand all that. They think all this is fixable by you buying some flowers and dinners. that's what they are used to. They have relationships based on attraction and at least to start with, and that's the basis of their marriages. when theings go bad, they logiy divorce. They cannot understand the resume-based marriage and marriage between families. Which is also why the system is so stacked against you in US. they cannot understand the intricacies. I am south asian, and have seen my share of passionless marriages. Except girls in cities, most middleclass (daughters of professor/professionals) are the worst are alll goody goody, not knowing much about sex, and often more interested in dress/jewelry/-/eating than boys/sex. Most arranged marriages are never based on, often NOT among people who develop any attraction amongst them, and are plain passionless. However, as living arrangements, they surive. Guy gets some sex (esp in the US you cannot think of the average Indian guy having any success in the club/dating scene, can you?) and some mediocre companionship, and a girl with no independent career prospects and average to below average looks (often totally let go after first -) gets a lifestyle. throw in a past unviable romance on her side and you get a failed marriage. I am just being sympathetic and giving you more realistic advice than most others here. I know much of this painfully, and let me tell you, you not come out of this. you lose someof your hard-earned worth, how much is up to you. single dating online
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