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My sub and I started out in a bedroom only D/s setup, One day, we were sitting together on my couch, and in the course of discussion decided that we enjoyed our roles enough to take into the regular aspect of our life. We're not completely for any number of reasons, but it's definitely way more than just limited to sex. But you're asking about balance. The way he and I balance things is that he generally has a rule/punishment and reward structure (that we discussed beforehand based on limits, wants and needs) he's to abide by. For example: he's a masochist, so pain is a reward for him. In the rare times I've had to punish him, it's really more verbal in nature like telling him he's being inappropriate and it displeases me, which is a HUGE thing for him. He's a pleaser, loves tasks and service. Disappointing me is upsetting to him, so mental punishments are better for him than most physical ones. There are some things I don't have control over, like his finances and his creative outlets (his band, his writing). These are areas that existed before I did in his life, and I prefer to leave them to him. -Though I'd be remiss to say that he doesn't ask for counsel every once in a while regarding these issues, I generally don't give orders about them unless I feel he's being completely unreasonable that hasn't happened as of yet, and it's been nearly 3 years. It's going to be trial and error the entire way, I think. There have been times with my sub that fell flat, and some were fantastic. That's the only way you're going to know what works for you and what doesn't.
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