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First, I'm sorry you are losing your friend, and sorry you are dealing with infidelity. That's a lot to process. I have no way of knowing you wife, but I would wager that you were not the only lonely one. I would guess the affair was a product of that loneliness, and not necessarily an indication that she has a history of cheating or of a lack of for you. I think you should talk to your wife. Just give her the facts 'x told me something that has really thrown me for a loop and I need to hear your side ' And though I am very sorry about your friends illness, it was selfish of him to tell you. He wanted to feel better about his betrayal, which I get, but it still wasn't his place. It was wrong to get involved with your wife, it's wrong of him to once again interfere with you marriage. I wouldn't go yell at him or anything he probably thought he was doing the 'right' thing. I think between you two it should be as 'water under the bridge' as you can muster. But in your heart know that you wife wasn't the only player in this senario. She obviously loves you enough to be with you for most of her life. don't let something (even something so awful) wreck your future together. Talk to her. instant sex chatBut surely the basic rule of thumb for relationships that lead to marriage is that you reveal most of the important things about yourself before you get married not after you have the ring on your finger. After my uncle passed away (ten years now), I found out that the shrapnel he got in WW2 had made him impotent. He married my aunt, they tried and tried to have babies, but THEN he revealed to her that he couldn't because of the shrapnel which he knew about the whole time. So they lived the rest of their lives without any (even though my aunt, an obstetric nurse, would have loved to adopt but he was against raising anyone -'s -). Made me feel terrible about my uncle (who I loved dearly while he was alive) after his death (plus he didn't provide for her well in his -giving most of his fortune to relatives he had never even seen). Yours isn't as big a betrayal as that, now, but still your hubbie thought he was getting one woman. He lived 6 years with someone he thought he knew. And then she reveals something very intimate about herself that he didn't know. Of course he's shell-shocked. You have to own your mistake in not being honest sooner, and not letting him make informed choices in the relationship. That's water under the bridge, but he needs time to deal. He even needs to be allowed to be angry with you for awhile (which could affect his sex drive). But if you both talk through it, and don't put pressure on each other, you could have a really great, honest marriage. dating online services
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