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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. free sex dating Kirkcaldy
My GF and I have been together for almost 3 years now. She pushed for us to move in together, which I eventually went for because we were together all the time. She also really wanted to get engaged. It took me over a year to get completely comfortable with the idea but I finally did and planned on proposing this christmas. That is until she wrote me a note and essentially told me that she does not want to live together next year, she does not want to get engaged anytime, and gave me a laundry list of things I need to improve on if I want a ltr with her. I agree with a lot of the things she wants me to improve on, they are really in my best interest and it's nothing petty. She also wants me to a therapist because a lot of my problems stem from anxiety and my severe pessimism. But since the note, about 3 weeks ago, I can't help but be angry with her. I'm not sure if I'm angry with her or with myself, or if I'm trying to improve myself for me or for her. Or maybe I'm just reeling from having a future I was sure of just yanked out from under my feet. Sorry for the post, if anyone even read to this point, thank you. I just needed to throw this out there, even if no one hears it. people looking to fuck in Long Lake cityShe cried like crazy. Told me the only reason we spent so much time together before she left was because she knew she was going to be alone when she did leave. At this point, is it even worth trying to salvage this relationship? Am I as oblivious as it now seems to me from writing this? Could these feelings against commitment stem from depression of leaving home after a month? I have no clue what to do. free sex cams
bbw xtherm sex it's preposterous and myopic to imagine it was the most devastating global event of the decade. Totally agree the media's annual week /month observations stem from and encourage a Copernican view of the US and further agree that kind of view is what sparked such hatred in the first place. But it's an event most of us shared. Plus, the top post was from a NYer to me, that was significant. I can't fault those who witnessed it, lived with the stench of seared bodies, and/or lost a loved one for wanting a little catharsis today or any other day. Unfortunately, it was a turning point we're still living with. A turn that led to greater division and demagogy crippling divisions, hate speech, an erosion of rights, protections, and concern for humanity that affects us, our, AND much of the world. The thread was an invitation to discuss that. I strongly believe it's worth discussing and TRYING to attention to the fact that navel-gazing doesn't have to be the only response, that we can and should go deeper than waving and get the ship back on course. And I don't much care which forum it's done on. I just want it done. You, yourself, link to all the lives destroyed by our senselessly destructive response. holder women xxx
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