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Thanks for all those who have been keeping up with my posts. I've been with my BF for 4 years. We've had some rough patches. We've stayed together and I do him, despite his faults. His happiness has always been important to me, and I care about him very much. I'm really in the thick of trying to figure out if it's worth continuing. The commute issue recently brought some more issues to the fore, and now I have a lot of material to work with in determining whether to stay or go. Ideally, I'd like to stay with him. I need some SMALL changes in our relationship. I need more affection, first of all. I need a daily hug or kiss initiated by him. I need occasional dates to let me know the fun/passion/specialness of our bond is worth celebrating to him, and that a once-a-month occasion to get dressed up and have a good meal is worth it. I need his time, not to be left alone for large parts of the weekend while he works on his hobbies. I need to be told "I you," even twice a year would be good. I need to know (less easy to measure) that he be there for me when I need him. Should I tear my meniscus again or have an accident or get sick, that I can count on him to be tender and helpful and kind. I don't think these are big things to ask for. Before I throw in the towel, can I talk to him about these things? How can I let him know that it's REALLY important now (we've had the affection/intimacy talk before with no change in his efforts/behavior)? I read someone -'s post earlier here today where the female OP was saying how she felt she was "wrong" for wanting certain things. I've been down that road, wondering if I wasn't sexy/-/desireable/good enough, or if there wasn't something fundamentally wrong with me for how he was behaving towards me (I do believe he loves me, he just SUCKS at showing it and over time it wears me down). Now that I've healed that part and realized there's nothign wrong with me to prevent him from loving me in these ways, and that I deserve those ways of being loved, I'm facing ending it, if he can't how I NEED these things like plants need. So how can I talk to him about this? I would ideally like to save the relationship. All along I thought it/we would grow women seeking men for daytime funWe were too busy figuring out how to get the canoe to run a straight line, that we hadn't seen the sign, hadn't noticed we were going UPSTREAM. It was a paddle of shame, past our car and downstream to Rock Lake. With one mistake, our easy trip had turned into a grueling first day. Despite our hunger and exhaustion, we really enjoyed Rock Lake. When we found the God's Head (now named after some white dude whose name I intentionally forget). The experience of being in the Rock's presence was intense. I understand why this was a spiritual place for the First Nations People who the sacred images on it's face. We found several pictographs. One of parallel slashes, like bear claw marks. One of a turtle, or a person. They were faded, but there. Hundreds of years old, right beside the water, and still there. So close, we could have touched them. But we wouldn't dare. The Rock is forbidding. I asked K to take a picture of the rock "If this place let us." To be in the presence of this place was intimidating, a little frightening. The breeze whistled around the rock and across it's scarred face it sounded like the rock was breathing. K took out her camera and clicked the shutter. The camera shut off, and would not be turned back on. We took it as a sign, and left. The heat was getting to both of us, the was getting low, so we decided to bend the park's rules. We camped on Rock Lake. We were supposed to portage to Pen lake, where our permit said we were allowed to camp, but we were too tired and it takes quite a lot of work between two people to set up camp and cook supper. Kind campers had left a stack of wood beside the fire pit, so I got to work cooking supper while K set up the tent. looking for romance
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