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I don't understand much of your post, but I want to try to help. You say you're looking for an LTR and you've been finding men to date who "seem to resonate with your new found energy." Yet: "I cannot find men around my age with who want a term relationship." And men w/out make you suspicious: "I need some assurances on why would these men were never married in the first place or had families" You think there's something 'wrong' w/ the men who've never been married and/ or had -; there's something wrong w/ the men who've been there/ done that, but don't want those things/ an LTR with you. In this logical loop, there's something wrong everyone even you!: "I cannot think like a. My thinking is little clouded because I am a woman." Frankly, I don't know any woman who'd ever say such a thing (esp. not one in her 40s but I'll remit my back-burner inklings, re: your gender ). Your 'perceptions' are deceiving you. Forget the self-betraying mess about maturity/ immaturity/ age; forget about (existent or not); forget marriage. These ideals/ 'plans' are disallowing you from getting in on the ground floor w/ these men. You come in w/ too preconceptions, jumping too far ahead in your mind. In this way, you cut these men (and yourself) off at the knees, and ultimately fall back on your old 'flight'-oriented habits (though they're manifesting in a new configuration, they're still there). Get to know the men you date think of them as new friends. Spend time, talk to them about their/ your interests, feel them out, and get a sense of their attitude. Learn about them on their own terms. don't try to define them based on airy nothings. And avoid discussing term goals, past relationships/ residual fears in the early mtgs. (It could be that the once-married/ men who have sniff you out as a desperate ring-seeker.) Keep interactions in the present. Forest Lake sex partnermake your own decisions. Let me tell you something that holds very true for me closure and the way it's been defined is fucking overrated. It's become some screwed up search to dig into the past and try to figure out everything that went wrong and attach some reason to your current issues are tied to it. The real truth is you don't need to know. You can stop bad behavior if you want to, you can break a pattern if you don't want to participate in it anymore. While it be normal to wonder what truly happened to your parents marriage, it isn't any of your business. In fact you are better off NOT knowing the details. Your parents are leaving your decisions to you, you should respect that. Currently they are refusing to let you in on the intimate details of their break up because they know that while the relationship between THEM has failed it has no bearing on how they feel about you. It's an adjustment that is difficult for even adults to make, the relationship with parents following divorce is now independent of the other. It is time for you to have a relationship with EACH parent. I salute your parents for giving the other the opportunity for you to do that. parents don't and cast the net of blame at the other leaving you in the middle of their bitterness. Your parents aren't perfect, they're human and as humans, just as messed up as anyone. However, you should be proud of how they are handling this. In regards to this situation they are on solid ground. It shows character to actually NOT comply to your wishes to know. Respect it. My hat is off to them. As far as YOUR life, like beezerd said, it is up to you to set your OWN moral compass. adults only
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