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As a and then as a middle aged I did not experience sex, because I entered the seminary and then priesthood, directly out of an all-boys high school. I am not complaining, mind you, since my lifetime of celibacy was a conscious religious commitment. After decades of dedicated religious service and successful ministry to people all over the world, I decided to retire from the church to investigate and pursue the things of worldly life that I had denied myself. First, I obtained a private pilot's license, a real thrill. Not only that, but I learned to sail, to scuba dive, and to drive race cars. I also began to take classes in subjects, I've been like a sponge, soaking up what contemporary life is all about. When taking and computer classes, I discovered the internet and pornography, for the first time. It didn't take to get over being ashamed and to become quite interested in learning about women and sex, via the internet. It's a thrill that eclipsed my other exciting new interests. So, after several years of my retirement, and having become friends with new people, I last night found myself in a rather steamy and intense situation with a particularly charming 49 year old divorced woman, whom I had once known by way of my last church assignment. Having resisted earthly urges all of my life, but now being in the process of great change, and especially since I've discovered pornography, I let my natural male instincts free. I engaged in an amazingly ecstatic, yet profoundly scary, sexual tryst with my friend. Though I am at once quite delighted and excited beyond imagination, I am also troubled by a tremendously disappointing discovery, one that I thought better of continuing to discuss with her, after I broached the subject at the time of discovery, very nearly putting an end to my "journey into manhood" before it began. Please, I just need to get off my chest, my absolute shock and dismay at that which I saw of her naked body, that was in stark contrast to what I've learned about women via internet pornography. Pussy hair. booneys in chatFirst off, I really appreciate the responses. Up until this morning, I was really hopeful, willing to do whatever it took. Then I looked in the trashcan outside. don't ask me why, I just did (when throwing away some recyclables). There was a strange shopping bag in there, and I opened it. All of her notes mostly rantings about me were in there. I read them. I took them. Not like reading her diary they were abandoned property and quite likely she meant for me to find them. She's not the retiring sort (neither am I we have always prided ourselves on our communication), so what I read wasn't a shock. She feels controlled. She needs her alone time. She needs to be appreciated. She values spontaneity. She wants me to be more of a hands-on dad (tough when I'm busting my ass in an office M-F), but most of all, she needs alone time. Which I was (reluctantly, though I get your point, FamAtty) fine giving her. Until I came across other things. Notes to a guy. A guy she used to sleep with before we were married. Notes that clearly tell me she carried a torch for him, and he her, and they have been communicating regularly. And have possibly/likely slept together. And he has been telling her all the things she wants to hear. And that she has been lying to me. I am so fucking confused and despondent, I can't believe it. This is how she spent her "alone-time" this weekend. Am I being naive to want to hold my marriage together, even after this? Am I crazy for still loving her and wanting to work things out, both for me and our beautiful? They are so innocent and wonderful. This is me. I can't believe she is the one who has turned out to be unfaithful. I am absolutely stunned. I have not told her I know, but at some point, if I don't, and she knows I know, there are ramifications for that (every time she wants "alone time," I'll know she's doing that guy and it eat at me). Regardless, it -/should come out in therapy, if not before and then what? Oh, one of her complaints about me is that I care what other people think about me. And I have always considered divorce a failure. And I don't fail at much. Oh boy do I need therapy. And a good lawyer. women seeking men in delhi
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