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So me and this beautiful woman from my town have been talking on and off for about a year now. We dated for a few months at first then idk we just went our seperate ways but for some reason we keep talking to each other. Recently we've been talking alot more but that's all we do is talk until tonight . She sent me a text message wanting me to come over and have sex.. yeah, that's blunt huh? I told her "no, I can't do that with us not being together. I you but I don't want to do something tonight then wake up tomorrow knowing what we did and realize we are not together" Her response was " idk what I want" I'm sorry but unless I'm actually in a committed relationship with someone I cannot do that This "friends" thing has been going on for awhile I've had to sit back and watch this woman that I've fallen in with date and be with another a few months back. She knows how I feel, and she's single now but everytime I try to get close to her or mention that I want to be with her it's always the same answer "IDK what I want" but yet she's 32 and has 2 which I ADORE and have also fallen in with. Should I continue to wait or do I just need to give up and move on? fucking from Fredonia North Dakota
But now I wonder how I can have the courage to follow through. I'm crying as I type; this is really painful. I don't understand why she has to keep up the lie. I don't understand why I can't have better self esteem. who wants to get a roomI'm trying to find a good couples therapist and haven't had a lot of success. I was in individual therapy for about 3-4 months until my relationship with that therapist went bad and she terminated our therapy. The issue that I was mainly seeing her about was trying to figure out how to work things out between me and my wife regarding my to have a kinky poly relationship and her wanting a monogamous vanilla one. yes i know my wife and i don't sound like a great match, but it is too complicated to just DTMFA (she's a 3rd world immigrant with no means of support, i care deeply about her, my family loves her, etc.). and i really do want to save our relationship. hence looking for a therapist. we found one couples counselor and had one session where we really hit it off with her, but then she contacted me and said that an old client had come back into town with some problems and she needed to give them our scheduled appointment and had no other room in her calendar. i've contacted some other therapists, specifiy looking for ones with kink/poly experience, without success they don't have time in their schedules. and honestly i'm feeling kind of down about looking for a therapist now. I had a lot of negative experiences with psychiatry on my own several years ago (including hospitalization that I still consider wrong), and rightly or wrongly i'm feeling somewhat betrayed by the last two practitioners, and so I've had a lot of trouble putting myself out there to really look hard for someone who can help us out. my wife doesn't want to put any effort into looking for a therapist because she says this is all my problem and she's willing to go along with it but doesn't a need to take an active role in making this happen. she comes from a culture that doesn't respect psychotherapy, so I feel like I'm constantly battling her feelings that this is a silly Western waste of $$$ and that we should figure this out for ourselves. anyways, hoping you all have some advice about looking for couples therapy when one is feeling discouraged and uncomfortable about the process. married couples
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