Thank You for Making Me Go, Charlie w4m I am meeting such nice, quality men now, and they are all very appreciative. I don't have to sleep with them to get their attention. I just have to be me. It is so nice. I was so in love with you, but maybe it was a child's type of love. Maybe that magic, the endless friendship and solid feeling I always had (which you seemed to have lost so easily, which made me even, well we know the stories), maybe that was just being in love with love, with your plan for our love. Your promises were too much for you to keep, but I believed you when you said I finally had a home and a family. I believed every intention you gave, but now I am being practical, and it is so much fun! Nice, no games, respectful. Sure, we don't talk of marriage or family or moving in together, but I don't have to wonder what is going on or why there is a conflict of words and actions. They match here, and my brain is so grateful. My heart? It will get over the whole thing. The other, I haven't tried, so can't tell you yet, but even if it is half of what we had, I'll be satisfied.
I've finally figured out why I always got so scared when you looked somewhere else or someone at you! It was because you meant too much to me. That child inside was always waiting to be hurt and have you taken away. When I don't care, it doesn't matter who looks. Real Catch 22, isn't it? Conundrum! Well, I guess I have to compromise for my sanity. I did not help our situation, but your love for you know who and your games there did not either. She and I would have been like sisters. What will you give them now?
Anyway, I'm having the time of my life and all the bad habits are not even a thought. Just takes a little appreciation and respect, I guess. I still love you, but I know you are not healthy now and you will not get the help you need, so I have to make myself try harder elsewhere and take the consequences of that. Can't all be so perfect, right?
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The fall weather here is wonderful. I can leave the doors and windows open and let the cool air flow thru the screens. The changing of the seasons here is so much more different than in the south. The trees here almost seem to combust into so different fiery colors within a matter of week’s right in front of my eyes. The different shades of reds, yellow, oranges, purples and browns are amazing. The most amazing or painting of fall could never come close to the breath taking sunsets that I have experienced after I moved here. I the beach. I the warm salty air and the sunsets on the water but I feel much more alive here. The weather makes my blood almost vibrate with the energy that runs thru the air and ground here. I bought my house here in South a few months ago. I found a house that was perfect for me and my two. Nothing spectacular, mind you, just enough. It’s a bedroom two bath house built in. It has been totally re done with wood floors and a fire place and a wrap around porch that is perfect for sitting and enjoying the evening. The back of our house backs up to a mountain. From what I understand we are close to Mountain State Park. I have been here for months and I have never gone for a walk thru the woods at the back of my property so I decided its about time. I pulled on my boots and my jacket and headed off around the house. I the smells of the earth and the old trees around me. The air under the trees seems to a bit cooler because the last of the suns rays are not making it thru the canopy of leaves. After a bit of a distance I walk upon a creek that has a good amount of water flowing thru it and at a decent flow. I pick up a stick to poke down on the edge to how deep it is and the water is about 5 ½ foot deep. The creek is wider than I would care to ever try and jump, maybe 8 foot wide. I look down the creek and I can nature has made a make shift bridge out of a fallen tree, lucky me! I feel like a kid again trying to cross this log. I jump down huffing and puffing and giggling a little bit. Then I hear masculine laughter and I freeze. I swallow my laugh and look around. I don’t any one and then I hear his voice. He has a southern draw that makes the corners of my mouth twitch. hey guy i want to head out tonigh
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