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For what it's worth, when I was newly sober at age 23 back in , there were so women, and straight, that I was attracted to in Alcoholics. I felt so ugly inside and out and was so immensely touched by these women who cared more for my life and sanity than my approval. Just a hug or a touch on the arm and I was, so I thought, "in -" not really even knowing what was. One day I shared with my sponsor, "-, I met HER, I met the woman I want to share my life with!" and started going on and on about this woman. "-," my sponsor replied, "we've had this conversation before." Puzzled for a moment than realizing my sponsor's poor recollection I replied, "No, THAT was, THIS is -!" proud informing her of her confusion. "-, it's just a different name" she responded and continued, "whenever you're attracted to someone just be her friend and BECOME the woman YOU want to share your life with." For 24 years, my journey of becoming the woman I want to share my life with continues. Throughout this journey, I have met so amazing and beautiful people, men and women, and straight. So of them have left their footprints on my heart and in doing so, have changed me forever. So of them taught me courage, not so much by what they said but rather, by the power of their example. For me, uncovering, discovering and discarding those old ideas allows room for new ones. I no longer feel so ugly on the inside that I don't care what I look like on the outside. I have learned that is a verb and that if I want something, give it first. It is and has been an amazing journey. I wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for being allowed to ask questions. Those who mind don't matter; those who matter don't mind. Thank you for your posts; thank you for exemplifying courage; thank you for your perserverance here on despite the "how dare you ask such questions" scolding replies. Continue to go where the is and go where the strength is and if you're inclined, become the woman you want to share your life with for in becoming her, you attract her~ naughty ladies in ZhidikaiFirst you have to identify, even vaguely, what the problem is. Then flip a coin to who goes first. It's like a tennis game. The first one outlines the problem. Keep it as short as possible. The other person has to paraphrase in their own words what the first person said, to the first person and keep it up until the first person agrees that the other "gets it right". Then it's the other person's turn to make their case and the first person has to paraphrase in their own words what the other person said until the other person agrees that the first person "gets it right". Volley that ball back and forth for an hour and you both understand the situation sooo much better than a straight forward power struggle to plow your way to the finish line. At that point it ain't over, but it's probably 60% down the road to a conclusion. With that behind you, odds are in your favor that the two of you can find a solution, without drawing blood, that you both can live with. It tugs on your empathy rather than anger. Give it a shot. cyber dating
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