A hole in my heart.. m4w Hi. I am not even sure what I am going to write here, but decided to just put what came to my mind as I typed. You see, I am in love with my best friend, but now she has another, and I am really just broken hearted. I am not looking for a relationship.. I don't even want a new best friend, as she still is mine, and that will never change. but it is hard to talk about your heartache with the person who it is about, without being biased. I know when I talk to her, I make her feel guilty, and even that makes me sad. she does not deserve that. Feeling are a funny thing. they sometimes sneak up on you. I understand that, but it does not make my heart hurt any less.
I don't really expect anyone to respond to this, but if you do, I will respond. I will be fine, I know it.. it has only been a week, so I am still stinging, but I just needed an outlet to talk for a few minutes, other then bringing her down by reminding her how much I am hurting.
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So, I never have these awesome, wordy, drawn-out wonderful write-ups anymore. Just these " and so, that's what we did last night!" blurtings. And I'm sorry for that. But I still like to share. Without any further ado, then behold! Another tweet-like recounting of the previous night's activities. I broke out an old dress yesterday. For the dumbest reason we have ants again, and I didn't want my usual floor-length skirts brushing the floor and picking the bastards up. The least slutty-but-not-floor-length thing I could find was a knee-length wraparound I used to wear on "date nights" circa. I knew that I wasn't the only one feeling the old vibe again when Skandie got home and kept grabbing a handful of my ass every time I walked past. Hahaha. Once our domestic duties were all attended to and completed for the evening, he didn't waste a second coming on strong. He had his hands all over me and I was chuckling, asking him if he felt 28 again, reminding him how I used to wear this back when I would just come to spend the weekends at his bachelor pad getting drunk. Yeah, the memories were fond. Another thing I used to do all the time back then was fuck his face and tell him to choke on it. Tender, loving stuff like that. We did a reprise of that, which is why I'm posting here. I was "on the bottom" rather than riding his face, but still he placed my hands on the back of his shaved head (when we were younger, I'd have had to push his hair out of the way!), urging me to push his face into my pussy. I wasn't really ready for that at first, though. So I kind of let them fall away for a while. He does this cool clit-sucking thing that I just adore. I swear, if I'm about to come and he's just licking I'll actually hold back just so I can have a freaking-out orgasm when he switches back to sucking, haha. I remember saying to myself, "This must be what it feels like to get your sucked when you're a male." i need a place to stay 19 phoenix
shit. EVERYONE feels like shit when they get dumped and just about everyone I know who's been through divorce had no idea it would be so hard and that includes me. Fuck food tastes like cardboard, sleep well that's a thing of the past for a bit and the fucking obsessing just about kill you. It's depressing as hell and your mind is a prison that replays all the fucked up shit and for some stupid reason it won't shut off. You hate yourself for doing it but every time you talk to a friend all you do is yap about how shitty it all feels, how this punishment doesn't seem to fit the and somehow you're supposed to go on. Yeah, divorce sucks, sucks bad and like a kidney stone you don't know what it feels like unless you've done it. OK so you're not alone in feeling the way you do, quit ing yourself a fucking pussy and ranting about yourself and if you are that serious, CALL THE NUMBER. Also lose this stupid chip on your shoulder about 'no way I'm taking pills for this', leave no options off the table. There's nothing shameful about needing medication if it helps you get through this, it's shameful NOT to if it's needed. It means you won't do what you need to do, it means you're chosing part of this punishment for some fucked up reason. PD said, and rightfully so .YOU are responsible for your condition. We all are. Does that mean tomorrow if you decide to start getting better it all just happen fuck no but you have to START and then you've got to keep it up. You're going to have to yourself through. Sooner or later you are going to have to decide to no longer be so pathetic, you'll have to do what everyone has had to do and decide that you're going to live and do the best you can. If talking to the therapist helped some, then do more of it. Hopefully the person give you some things to work on, get some books too if you're having this much trouble. Do something good for yourself EVERY DAY eat right, even when you don't feel like it. Go for a walk daily, or the gym, or a swim but get the fuck out of the house go ahead and burden those friends a bit. Post here whatever it fucking takes. There be more bad days but life does get better IF you work at it. fwb having fun or datingHe is not a workaholic. He doesn't feel passionate about anything. Some men work a lot, play lots of computer/video games, play sports, women, watch porn, etc. He has no hobbies. He works 40hrs/wk. If I suggest something, he goes along with it but rarely initiates anything. Part of what makes a attractive is his initiation or take charge attitude. It is frustrating for me to have to take the lead 99% of the time. When I mention this he doesn't it as a problem. To some extent he has always been like this, but it has moved to a new level of complacency. He doesn't it as a problem. Since he doesn't it as a problem, it's not a problem. I it as a problem, so it is a problem for me. I haven't come up with a great solution for dealing with it, but my activities have helped me cope. Again, not justifying, just venting. Thanks again. online dating in uk
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