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I am so so sad. I want to die mostly w4m Illusions are hard to face. Well, illusions are actually easy to face. What's hard to face is the fact that what you have been living with, or working for for so many years is the illusion.
I have nothing less than I ever did, I just am so sad.
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But man you have been a good actor.
I felt truly, warmly, unconditionaly loved by you for almost exactly months. Out of ten years. That is so sad. I think for months you loved me. It was due to a psychiatric drug that medicated your restless paranoid mind.
For those months I wasn't scared, worried or unsafe and unsure like every other day of those ten years.
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Defensive,
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I have my standards, my morals, to protect
I have myself to protect
I thought.. Rather than love, success, fame.. Give me truth
But truth cannot come if I cannot be truthful
If I don't admit that I love
(Even those who are not truthful)
Some argue love is a choice,
So I willed myself
To be right
I will myself to always be invincible
And then I miss cOnnection
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