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Now, it is (though not perfectly but) much, much clearer to me what you want/need! My situation is similar to yours, and it's somewhat pathetic, but yours is way worse. Although, I believe that everyone caries the load according to their strength. Well, if it was over your strength, you wouldn't be carrying it! So my point is, you probably have a philosophy of some sort that makes it all tolerable or worthwhile. The simple fact that you are still with your wife, proves that every other known to you alternative is much worse that your present situation. At this point, I can't advise or suggest you anything. But I believe that if you listen to your heart, you'd know what you should do, if you should do anything different from what you are doing at all. old ladies in Tokchirimi
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