Thank You for Making Me Go, Charlie w4m I am meeting such nice, quality men now, and they are all very appreciative. I don't have to sleep with them to get their attention. I just have to be me. It is so nice. I was so in love with you, but maybe it was a child's type of love. Maybe that magic, the endless friendship and solid feeling I always had (which you seemed to have lost so easily, which made me even, well we know the stories), maybe that was just being in love with love, with your plan for our love. Your promises were too much for you to keep, but I believed you when you said I finally had a home and a family. I believed every intention you gave, but now I am being practical, and it is so much fun! Nice, no games, respectful. Sure, we don't talk of marriage or family or moving in together, but I don't have to wonder what is going on or why there is a conflict of words and actions. They match here, and my brain is so grateful. My heart? It will get over the whole thing. The other, I haven't tried, so can't tell you yet, but even if it is half of what we had, I'll be satisfied.
I've finally figured out why I always got so scared when you looked somewhere else or someone at you! It was because you meant too much to me. That child inside was always waiting to be hurt and have you taken away. When I don't care, it doesn't matter who looks. Real Catch 22, isn't it? Conundrum! Well, I guess I have to compromise for my sanity. I did not help our situation, but your love for you know who and your games there did not either. She and I would have been like sisters. What will you give them now?
Anyway, I'm having the time of my life and all the bad habits are not even a thought. Just takes a little appreciation and respect, I guess. I still love you, but I know you are not healthy now and you will not get the help you need, so I have to make myself try harder elsewhere and take the consequences of that. Can't all be so perfect, right?
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Waiting on you w4m It has been 2 years now.. What is wrong with me? I hear all the time that if a man loves a women he will move heaven and earth to be with her. I get and understand you have things to deal with.. and I try to move on and forward. Then I look in your eyes and somehow I feel like you DO love me. Every song that comes on the radio or into my heart seems to make me think of you. I can't get over my love. It is real and it is deep. This being alone stuff kinda sucks. I am ok when I am at work.. I forget what lonely feels like. I don't have friends or other people in my life. It is my Saturday night (and I only have Sunday off) and here I sit all alone. No one to laugh with, no one to share my life with. I am still in that place I have always been.. alone. I feel like I am sentenced to solitary confinement in this life. It is really kinda sad. I am a really kind, loving, nice, normal lady. I am average. Not a beautiful woman.. but not terribly awful either. I am just kinda sad about all of this. Why can't I just STOP caring and wanting. I feel so committed in my mind, body and soul I don't want anyone but you.. but I don't like this isolation either. I am a person who wants and needs people in my world. Darn it!
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