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There is no one issue. It's a lot of little issues feeding each other from both of you around and around until it sucks up the energy in the marriage that would otherwise be used for sex. It's not about the issues. It's about the energy. When you're new and in you put a lot of energy into the other person and the sexual relationship flourishes. When you're married for years and years all the little things take up the energy. He's mad because she won't have sex, she's mad because he doesn't do the dishes, he's mad because she doesn't cook and clean like his mom did, she's mad because she works full time and he doesn't pull his weight at home, he's mad because why can't a guy chill out and watch the game with a blowjob and a beer once in a while, she's mad because all he wants is sex and what about HER needs, and nag nag nag pull pull pull the whole relationship gets sucked up in these negative cycles. I read lilstorm's thread too and I felt bad for both of them. You can't blame the husband he's obviously very frustrated and is blaming her for things. You can't blame lilstorm either: just because she's venting a lot of anger and hurt here doesn't mean she doesn't have good points of her own. The only way to kill these cycles is proactively. Stop acknowledging the negative energy, just acknowledge it but don't respond to it with defense or a whole lot of discussion. don't go after your wife with a bunch of whining about not having had sex in over 2 months. Too bad, so sad. There are better things to be spending your life on. Then, start being proactive with the positive energy. the positive of it: you're, and alive. If lack of sex is your biggest problem, life is good for you. Show that appreciation. Exude the gratitude not for what she doesn't do but for what she does. Show her you appreciate her sexually with a naughty comment or a on the butt every now and then, but try not to do it in a demanding or passive way. Eventually, she start responding in kind. And eventually, the negativity just die out. When the negativity's no longer feeding itself in a vicious cycle, the return and she'll be frisky for you again. married and flirting Oldenburg
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