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A person once told me that I had to remember. They said I had to remember that in the entire history of the universe you’re the only ‘you’ that has ever existed and ever exist. They sheeted my ego and went onto to say that there’s nobody in existence who is you and no one can ever the world the way you it and can tell the rest of us how it looks and this perspective might be so different and so beautiful that it changes everything. I wonder about beauty now when I think of those words. Male Beauty. Female Beauty. Androgynous Beauty. When I realized the power of truly becoming an individual my mind became a cradle and I finally felt a sense of home. I want to find and reach out to a woman who feels the same, that artist who is constantly hunting, stalking, lusting for more. My mind drifts idily as I sit in this warmly lit tea and coffee shop, fingers braced against keyboard and thoughts wrapped around the hazzards of the new mind aesthetic. What does beauty mean anymore really and how could it change anything? Is it just a collateral of the everyday being or a fabricated affectation? It all makes me think of my ex and consider her in the same context. She was the cold ice that me and proceeded in devouring me. Her dour and darkness was infinitely appealing and she was aware of this. To her it was just another one of the enjoyably unresolvable enigmas posed by her infinitely superficial character and no matter how layers were taken off there was never any depth to an encounter with her it all just was. She just sort of flowed over you. There was just this cruelty to her words and a disquiet to her gait and nothing softened her effect on people. Berlin New Hampshire girl adult personalsshe got on a plane and took the two somewhere. probably california. did it while i was at work, i think. i am dumbstruck and in tears. i have myself to blame. i told her i wanted a divorce before i had filed a motion in court. she's gone. im glad she's gone. i our two so dearly. everything in our house is quiet and loud. she left most of the toys and clothes and pictures. last night i was singing cartoon songs with my one-year-old daughter. today she is nowhere. tomorrow my two-year-old has soccer practice. he's gone. I them getting into trouble and their cute little words. my wife was never a wife. sometimes she was. she tried. we tried. she was awful and brave. i can't stand her and i her. she hasn't ed me all day. i haven't ed her. i the. i held both of them when they were born. i put up with her manic paranoid delusions during pregnancy. she aborted our third. I caught her having cybersex on yoville. i wished i'd never met her. everything in this house is soaked with years of our lives. i took it all for granted. i don't want these two to forget who i am. i have so much time. maybe ill start jogging, or get back into. how can i be here without them? how can i not enjoy all this free time? I am attached to the idea that she and they do what i can be happy about. who am i without my wife and? without my wife i am single and well-adjusted and happy. without my i am pitiful and disturbed and too so lonesome. all i have is memories; and they hurt. muscle woman xxx
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