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how to act sexy without Cook Islands I am in my early 40's and in the best shape of my life. I posted previously in another forum a while back where I was flirting with the idea of approaching a stranger that frequents my gym. That was about 2 months ago and still I practiy dream about her every night and I her from afar every other day. But during the course in trying to understand this nonsense crush I have, the other day it REALLY hit me for the very first time . I suddenly looked at my wife and thought she was attractive then thought to myself "if my wife was a stranger at the gym shooting glances at me, I would develop a crush and think about her all the time". Generally speaking, our relationship (trust, comfort, etc) is solid and we never bicker or argue (really, we get along well and enjoy each others company) but the kicker is . we have ZERO passion. She loves me but she doesn't run up and hug and kiss me when she sees me. When we go to bed she'll roll over and go to sleep without saying anything as if we were roommates. These are just some examples to give you the idea. I on the other hand, am the romantic type, always holding the door open, telling her how beautiful she is, showing her constant affection. Even though she likes the way I treat her, I figured out that if I refrain from showing affection, she'll never make such gestures to me. She's not doing anything on purpose, I just have come to realize these are her natural ways. She doesn't make me feel good inside about myself even though I know she approves of me being her husband. I am not blaming her or mad at her for any of this. But it is concerning to me that I don't feel like she's connecting with me spiritually and sexually. I know if I say anything to her, she try to change but its only because I say something (we've had these types of conversations before). I don't want to change her but it almost feels like I am living FOR her, not living WITH her. Am I being an asshole for wanting to have my ego stroked by the opposite sex? Do I cut away and deal with the separation drama and hurt her, just because I'm horny? Thanks for listening and for any advise or feedback. Lonely, misunderstood and horny but otherwise happily married (LOL) my dearest older sexy women
Seems you're married to a complex, living, breathing human being, not some cardboard cutout stereotype. If he wanted it once per month would you understand this? Once per day would bring understanding? Once per year? If he never wanted it would that make sense? You didn't let us know what your expectation is. My point is that people are complex. Put two people together and everything gets more complex. Your life project is to gain some understanding of yourself and those around you and hopefully be able to shape your life with that knowledge. First task is to 1) create a list of the facts (not opinion) about the relationship and then 2) create a list of what you want out of this relationship. Since you mentioned sex, focus on that first. Pencil and paper works fine. I prefer e docs or a e spreadsheet. Next you need to take out a piece of paper. Draw a simple Venn diagram with two overlapping circles. One circle be labelled "What I want". The other circle be labelled "What my partner wants". You now get to spend the rest of your life (or the life of the relationship) filling in the details of the Venn diagram. Both of the above activities don't require communication with your partner. At some point you want to loop him in on this exercise. Do so tactfully, since he's a living, breathing human being with emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. If it's too hard to get the ball rolling then consider getting a mediator/counselor to help guide the conversation. Iuka Mississippi guy looking for a chinese female
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