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where your boundaries are and I certainly she's team "us" (you and your wife) and not "I'm on the neutral fence with my mom" (I was married to a momma's boy and know how frustrating it is when your spouse doesn't take YOUR side). Ignore your MIL's demands: what your wife thinks of you is all that should matter. And as someone who tried fruitlessly to please my MIL (when I was still married) by being the "perfect wife/mother/housekeeper/cook/people-pleaser" it was never good enough. The over-bearing parents are control freaks whose standards are so high, no mere mortal can reach them. They always find some flaw to point out, instead of appreciate your good points. Your wife seems like she's struggling with the adjustment from footloose and fancy free -/teenager to wife and responsible adult. You'll have to sit down and discuss your terms of what you'd like to accomplish together and restrictions on frivolous spending. In my marriage, there was an agreement where if we were about to purchase something for around $ or more, we had to and confirm with the other first. I kept my end of that bargain while my ex spent thousands in secret (since he had control of the money and didn't show me his cc statements). The MIL has to leave the equation otherwise you're going to end up in Splittsville. Tell your wife she can decide what she wants: to continue being an obedient, coddled or the wife who is a team member in the marriage. And for goodness sakes why can't she clean house? No? Sheesh! That would be a to clean house only grown ups to clean up after! single chicks men with bod hair
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