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Here is a bad night of sex. First off, my wife is rubenesque, which means shes fat as a pig. Second of all, she doesnt exactly look after herself if you know what I mean. Case in prick was the other night she woke me up after visiting the bog. She was climbing over me and woke me with little drops of piss as she hadnt wiped properly (again!). "fucking hell " I instinctively exclaimed but I had wood so we got to business and started on the bedroom procedure. Its normaly a bit of oral for her, then she wanks me a bit before sucking me and I either shoot in her mouth while frigging her off or I'll mount her and jiz up her cunt. So she bends over the bed and theres like shit all up her crack. So I tell her I'm not starting until she washes her ass. Just then I felt a fart coming so I yell "Dutch Oven" and hold her head under the sheets and fart on her. So I'm down on the couch now and eating Cheetoes. Its 3am and I'm trying not to wake up my Mother in Law who fucking moved in the spare room last and wont die. So I got wood and its going nowhere, so I creep into the garden shed for my private colleection and carefully slip some horse sex video and start jacking off. I've spread my legs and I've got a shampoo bottle up me jacksee and the first spurt of cum shoots up when the fucking mother in law wanders in. I couldnt stop so she sees my cock go off. Bestiality and her shampoo in my ass. Drops to the ground dead. As my last squit of goo shoots out I catch a look at her craggy cunt as she hits the deck. I cleaned up my juice, hid the porn and then had a bloody night of wailing from the Mrs when I showed her the corpse. Finaly the undertakers rid us of her and I persuaded the Mrs to let me fuck her nice and quick (despite all the sobbing and crying), but you know what? Starting then, everytime I want to cum, all I can is her dead mum's quim. looking for discreet fun involved a plusRecipe: Guinness Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting Ingredients Owner Adamson, Vinegar Hill House Yields 1 Cake FOR THE CAKE: Butter for greasing pan 1 cup Guinness stout 10 tablespoons (1 stick plus 2 tablespoons) unsalted butter cup unsweetened cocoa 2 cups superfine sugar (regular granulated sugar also works if superfine is not available) cup sour cream 2 large eggs 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 2 cups all-purpose flour 2 ½ teaspoons baking soda FOR THE FROSTING: 8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature 1¼ cups confectioners sugar ½ cup heavy cream Instructions For the cake: Pre-heat oven to degrees. Butter a 9-inch springform pan and line with parchment paper. In a large saucepan, combine Guinness and butter. Place over medium-low heat until butter melts, then remove from heat. Add cocoa and superfine sugar, and whisk to blend. In a small bowl, combine sour cream, eggs and vanilla; mix well. Add to Guinness mixture. Add flour and baking soda, and whisk again until smooth. Pour into buttered pan, and bake until risen and firm, 45 minutes to one hour. Place pan on a wire rack and cool completely in pan. When completely cooled, remove cake from pan, spread frosting over top of cake and serve. For the frosting: In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the cream cheese until smooth and add the confectioners sugar. Beat on low speed until just combined. Slowly add in the heavy cream and beat until everything is combined amateur dating
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