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My sub and I started out in a bedroom only D/s setup, One day, we were sitting together on my couch, and in the course of discussion decided that we enjoyed our roles enough to take into the regular aspect of our life. We're not completely for any number of reasons, but it's definitely way more than just limited to sex. But you're asking about balance. The way he and I balance things is that he generally has a rule/punishment and reward structure (that we discussed beforehand based on limits, wants and needs) he's to abide by. For example: he's a masochist, so pain is a reward for him. In the rare times I've had to punish him, it's really more verbal in nature like telling him he's being inappropriate and it displeases me, which is a HUGE thing for him. He's a pleaser, loves tasks and service. Disappointing me is upsetting to him, so mental punishments are better for him than most physical ones. There are some things I don't have control over, like his finances and his creative outlets (his band, his writing). These are areas that existed before I did in his life, and I prefer to leave them to him. -Though I'd be remiss to say that he doesn't ask for counsel every once in a while regarding these issues, I generally don't give orders about them unless I feel he's being completely unreasonable that hasn't happened as of yet, and it's been nearly 3 years. It's going to be trial and error the entire way, I think. There have been times with my sub that fell flat, and some were fantastic. That's the only way you're going to know what works for you and what doesn't. n y c woman fuckingIt can't be all one way, or the other nor can it be completely equal. In this area, TRUST and respect matter more than any other. There's bound to be an impasse, no matter what you do. It's those times when one of you HAS to make the decision they feel is best and the other one has to TRUST in that decision and abide by it. You give the power to decide to your spouse, even if you don't agree with it. This isn't so hard to do if you TRUST your spouse to keep your family's best interest in mind. You don't have to agree with his or her decision, but you DO have to trust that s/he is making a fair and just decision. For example, we helped a family member this year with a huge project she needed a ravine cleared of trees, culverts installed, and the whole thing filled in. This required extensive use of a backhoe, chainsaws, crew to help, wear and tear on our equipment and vehicles, risk to life and limb, and $$$MONEY$$$ which neither of us had just lying around. I was deeply afraid for our budget, and argued for the project to be delayed until she could pay for it, or just abandoned (it wasn't a necessity). I could not where we'd get the money. I relented to DH, because I trusted him. And even if the project failed or went bust, I knew he would never risk our own welfare to complete it. Each week, we scrambled to find money for one part or another. We got through it, the job is 70% finished and hold for the, and didn't drive us to the poorhouse, we still eat quite well and stay warm and dry. There are other areas in which DH bends to my, too, even though he disagrees such as maintaining what we need for the house, computer equipment, and managing the weekly budget. It has worked out that he's in charge of the big decisions, and I keep all the mountains of little ones at bay so they don't become big ones. It's a workable balance of power. I don't intrude on his areas of expertise (seeing the bigger picture and planning for the future), and he doesn't intrude on mine (attentiveness to detail, keeping the machine oiled and running smoothly). One reason this works is because we know that trust is earned, not blindly given. We don't just do whatever the hell we want, because we know making a wrong move could damage trust. asian sex hot
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