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Alright, hon, you asked for a response you got it : I pity that you can even live with yourself in the situation you describe, where you paint yourself as having a rather avoidant personality with extremely narcissist tendencies: one who contributes to the ruin of a marriage by knowingly sleeping with another woman's husband. Reading your posts in this thread, you come off as defensive in response to the thoughts of others which you voluntarily elicited, showing not a modicum of accountability for your actions. How people reading this have themselves been cheated on or have had an entire family torn to shreds due to cheating (me, for one- on both counts)? I that you smarten up and learn to be accountable for your actions, that you self-reflect and gain awareness expanding beyond your immediate desires. I (and surely women) been in similar positions where I've regretted my actions. I am only a few years older than you and I've been in similar shoes as yours. I am continuously moving away from that and have painstakingly learned that to deflect responsibility shows that you have some internalized issues to work through which prevent appropriate action from happening. Trust me, it be hard work to look at yourself in an authentic and realistic light, but in the end a more meaningful relationship that you truly value come of it. The sooner that you learn and know this, the sooner you be in a position where you are not impinging either direct or indirect emotional harm onto yourself others. If you're out to get revenge on this that has toyed with you- good. You have a right to be angry, as it seems that you have indeed been used by an older. As as you know that the very best thing that you can do is to move on and become a strong woman of integrity and eventual wisdom, one who choses to make the right decisions rather than defend the idea of sleeping with a married, he not have taken advantage of you. adult social network in Hamill- people who have this discussion confabulate the extremely personal decision of whether or not to someone with the very public, very cerebral, highly academic argument for or against (usually against) marriage in general. And sure the arguments hold water, but I can't help but think that most of the time, maybe even all the time, people live in the public/cerebral/academic space so they don't have to have the uncomfortable conversation about commitment with their term partner or SO. Because check it out none of the arguments hold water. 1. Historical/political grounds don't really matter, because marriage has been everything from an institution of property to an arrangement of convenience to an arrangement made by family to a quick spontaneous trip to vegas to a life commitment made out of. Basiy, if you widen the history window large enough, you'll find a time in which marriage was much anything. So just because marriage was, at some point, something you wouldn't have done, doesn't really make it something you shouldn't do today, generally, if you have the right person. 2. Marriage doesn't make you stay, though. Marriage is simply a stated intention to stay. Divorce happens for a reason and that's because shit happens, things change. Does the presence of divorce diminish marriage? Not really. Lots of people don't get divorced and lots of divorces are for the best. 3. Well. Uh, duh. Of COURSE your partner's happiness and your happiness is important to you. You can be happily married, miserably single, and any point in between. There's no correlation between the two. So your arguments, while nice, really don't make sense as a justification to not get married. It really comes down to the personal, doesn't it? You don't want to that person for whatever reason. And that's okay. Just don't it something it's not a principled position. Personally, I like marriage. I like being able to introduce someone as my wife and have the person I'm talking to understand what that means: stated intended live partner, lover, mother to our, beneficiary, blah blah blah. Without that nice concise label of "spouse" I'd have to explain what she is to me to everyone I meet. And the term pair bonding arrangement is just too darn common not to have an institution for. dating blacks
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