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Seems you're married to a complex, living, breathing human being, not some cardboard cutout stereotype. If he wanted it once per month would you understand this? Once per day would bring understanding? Once per year? If he never wanted it would that make sense? You didn't let us know what your expectation is. My point is that people are complex. Put two people together and everything gets more complex. Your life project is to gain some understanding of yourself and those around you and hopefully be able to shape your life with that knowledge. First task is to 1) create a list of the facts (not opinion) about the relationship and then 2) create a list of what you want out of this relationship. Since you mentioned sex, focus on that first. Pencil and paper works fine. I prefer e docs or a e spreadsheet. Next you need to take out a piece of paper. Draw a simple Venn diagram with two overlapping circles. One circle be labelled "What I want". The other circle be labelled "What my partner wants". You now get to spend the rest of your life (or the life of the relationship) filling in the details of the Venn diagram. Both of the above activities don't require communication with your partner. At some point you want to loop him in on this exercise. Do so tactfully, since he's a living, breathing human being with emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. If it's too hard to get the ball rolling then consider getting a mediator/counselor to help guide the conversation. Boundary Washington adult massage forum
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