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marriage issues to me. Your wife would put her mother on a pedistal because we all basiy have to believe that even if our parents treat us badly and don't seem to show us, we would be completely hopeless if we thought they were actually bad parents. So that is not uncommon for your wife to think her mother was acctually a wonderful person and mother. You on the other hand realize how your father was not so great a father or husband (not sure how exactly he was bad) but you can turn into him even though you don't want to and try to resist this process. You did look up to your father when you were, I would think, and you have his values in ways. He was your first role model for how to be a. And this is the area that you should be concered about. Your mother is the one who teaches you how to parent or nuture, but your father's values about being a and a husband are yours too even though you don't realize it. If any parent makes comments about the other sex we hear this and internalize it. We even forget the comments sometimes but the impression the comments make is still there unless you do a lot of work on this, like therapy. We all turn into our (same-sex) parent whether we idolized that parent or not. It is inevitable to happen unless you take serious actions to prevent this. So your wife's mother taught your wife about men and relationships and that is something you should be concerned about. The stealing from work be a real issue too, but that also depend on how her father's values were about honesty and money. This area is a bit more gray but still not something to ignore by any means. You really have a lot on your plate now with a bancrutpcy, so I would think that getting counseling might be a stretch for you and your wife. You might consider going to the library and looking for some books on this subjec to help you manage this stuff in your marriage right now. Good luck because I think you need it. horney old in Cold Spring Harbor CDP
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