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The cure is the internal realization that dad is flawed, the family was hurt by her mother's death, and adults CAN get the and support they need elsewhere. What's hurting her is the belief that dad has some magic elixir that he could provide if he wanted to. He doesn't have it. And his perceived lack of isn't a choice: it's a flaw, a deficiency, baggage, a wound inside him. Whether she interacts with him or not, SHE has to stop longing for something that isn't there. SHE has to let go of the idea that ONLY dad has the magical goodies. Not seeing him won't stop the longing or the fantasy that dad is the only one who can heal her pain. What stop it is accepting reality: Dad's a mere mortal, who's flawed and confused and handled a difficult situation poorly; and adults CAN cultivate loving and supportive relationships that are every bit as healing and typiy MORE healing than a close relationship with a parent. At some point, we all have to give up the fantasy that life would be a bowl of cherries if mom and dad had been perfect. thunder need to kick some asswhere your boundaries are and I certainly she's team "us" (you and your wife) and not "I'm on the neutral fence with my mom" (I was married to a momma's boy and know how frustrating it is when your spouse doesn't take YOUR side). Ignore your MIL's demands: what your wife thinks of you is all that should matter. And as someone who tried fruitlessly to please my MIL (when I was still married) by being the "perfect wife/mother/housekeeper/cook/people-pleaser" it was never good enough. The over-bearing parents are control freaks whose standards are so high, no mere mortal can reach them. They always find some flaw to point out, instead of appreciate your good points. Your wife seems like she's struggling with the adjustment from footloose and fancy free -/teenager to wife and responsible adult. You'll have to sit down and discuss your terms of what you'd like to accomplish together and restrictions on frivolous spending. In my marriage, there was an agreement where if we were about to purchase something for around $ or more, we had to and confirm with the other first. I kept my end of that bargain while my ex spent thousands in secret (since he had control of the money and didn't show me his cc statements). The MIL has to leave the equation otherwise you're going to end up in Splittsville. Tell your wife she can decide what she wants: to continue being an obedient, coddled or the wife who is a team member in the marriage. And for goodness sakes why can't she clean house? No? Sheesh! That would be a to clean house only grown ups to clean up after! horny wifes
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