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I get the pity party, we all go through it regardless of age. The same fucking feelings of loss, regrets, realizations you know, the screwed up emotions that are involved in divorce and really any break up. Divorce just has a whole buttload of legal steps that you get to do under those conditions plus the wonderful bonus of how to deal with the. There is no magic pill for this. You gotta stop the wishing there was an easier way and when you catch yourself doing it remind yourself of what you are doing. Take that time to refocus on the term goals that you've laid out there. I know that it's totally cliche but this is the opportunity to become who you want to be, it's a test of character, a test of. Who is that person? Who's the you that you wish was here? It's an unobtainable goal but you can get close and believe me that counts for a lot. Right now you should be sad but also a sense of pride that you're doing the things you believe you should. You keep it up and you'll accept this better. Acceptance it's takes practice..try this. The flowery stuff you're writing the infusion of drama lose it. It's just the path is a lonely one becomes its a path. I'm working on healing and trying to make my life better..becomes..I'm healing and making my life better. I know eventually the pain dull becomes The pain dull I just wish there was an easier way becomes this is the way I've chosen. Practice it rephrase inside you head. Is any of those things I put in their place inaccurate? where you're allowing yourself to add to your own burden? Infusing the drama might make it more sympathetic but it also builds the task up to something larger than it is. Helps excuse the pain. Remember once you lose the excuses..you're owning your shit, then when you finally tell yourself it's OK to feel better, you'll be able to forgive yourself .and MEAN IT. To do that you have to know you followed through on your promises to yourself. Gotta treat yourself better before you get to use all the deserve talk just the way it is. Good luck mwm for mwf dicrete encountersBEFORE hubby got home, then you messed around together, then he messed around with her solo after you fell asleep. If that's the case, it sounds like you bent your own rules a little bit for your own benefit/convenience and then got upset when the rules bent the other way. Another possibility is that you haven't defined your rules specifiy enough and that your hubby fudged a little to assume that the encounter still techniy counted as "together" because it was the same evening. What shocks me is how broken-up you seem to be about this. You seem to be a little erm delicate for someone who's willing to get into 3-ways. I think you should put this into perspective. Perhaps you need to realize that bending your own rules is NOT a good idea. If you have rules in place within your relationship, you really need to stick with them faithfully and realize that if they can be bent in your direction, they can also be bent in your hubby's direction. Perhaps you need to do a little bit of work with better defining what IS and what is NOT acceptable. Perhaps you need to realize that having 3-ways is a mine-field for potential relationship issues to come up, that you're just too darned sensitive to navigate that mine field, and really shouldn't be engaging in those sorts of activities in the first place. If you decide that you want to keep having 3-ways, I recommend reading "The Ethical Slut". It's a book about open relationships. Although you're not techniy in an "open relationship", I would describe your relationship as "Semi-open" totally free online dating sites
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