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pos guy lookin for some fun Chunky Monkey I am realizing it is what it is. Not crazy just have some things I really want to get out. not just hide in some journal somewhere. I held on to hope for the longest time. Believing we'd make it through. From the day we met there has been battles, we have taken turns being the shit head and we have always overcome. I hope you know in no way do I place the blame on you will I ever hate you. To this day I still love you so very much and it is taking much everything I have to get through each day. Every day I miss you more. Maybe you think otherwise, and I truly am sorry if I didn't show you in all the ways you needed. It will be a regret until my dying day. I would give anything to listen to what you have to say. for a chance to make things right. I know you are hurt and upset, I am too. I never wanted this! I wanted a lifetime with you and all your beautiful quirks.. to wake up to your handsome face and your gatlin gun mouth. This world can be a crappy place but to me our world was perfect. Our family, dimple boy in the , our neurotic dog, our home we spent hours creating, the garden that wouldn't grow, the best cuddles ever, tectonic plates, Wilbur Wright, Weber, coffee and vinyl. There is so much more and it was all perfect to me! I wish you believed me. I am far from happy I've been a mess, a kind of heartbreak I never knew existed. I worry everyday if you are ok. I know your struggles and I know your heart. I know this isn't easy for you either. It is so much easier to be pissed and think of all the bad things, I've been there I know, and that too is something I now regret. I am a fighter and fight for what I love. history should prove this. though sadly now it is painstakingly clear, I have no choice but to fight like hell against everything I believe true, to convince my heart to let go. I never wanted to. yes im real looking to make friends
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