Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array 420 black male looking for hosting female or coupleYou Until the end of time, I'll be there for you-you know the rest of the song. I can't hear that song ( and lots of others) without thinking of you. I know you are trying to do the "right" things in your life, but are you sure I'm not supposed to be a part of those things?! So much was left unsaid and unfinished with us, largely due to me trying to do the "right" thing with the WRONG person. If nothing else, I just want to see you with my own eyes while we're both still living..I miss you tons! T absolute free swingers Perm sexy wives
is there anyone 61356 who wants sex Waiting for You! I'm not perfect, far from it. I may not have the perfect answers for your questions, I may not be the sweetest girl at all times. But I'm real. And I have feelings. And I want to love and be loved. I like to listen to NPR, and then in a heartbeat listen to Green Day and Evanescence and Country. I love all things wine. I'm a beer snob. I love the outdoors. I love to travel and see the ocean. I LOVE to laugh and have a good time. I like to get dressed up and go out. I really don't think I'm that hard to handle.. most days :-) I'm in the midst of a divorce and have 2 who are my world and come first in everything. I'm not looking for a hook-up or a one night stand. That's not my thing. I'm looking for someone who is going to treat me well. Be honest with me and not try to sleep with me in the first date. Someone to woo me :-). Does that still exist? lol So, if you want to talk, I'd love it. I promise I'm real! I promise you won't be let down. Please send a with your reply and I'll send one back to you. Put "WAITING FOR YOU" in the subject line so I know that you're not spam! japanese swinger Sandown
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