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I realized I was staying in crappy relationships in order not to be alone. I decided to take time off from dating, get counseling, read self-help books, etc. I felt like it helped me to make better choices and to have my self-esteem in a better place. It also helped when I started dating again, to know what I was looking for before I started looking. Before, I would date guys and think, "Well, that doesn't really match with me, but maybe I could learn to get used to it." When I was ready to start again, I made a list of my "must haves" and "can't stands" (e technique), and so I better knew what to reject outright and not waste my time. I was also more upfront about what I wanted. Rock View West Virginia hot sex chat linesmutually exclusive really. I like my SM rough. I like to be beaten into a high endorphin state because I am a masochist. I do not give up easily and most times the Top stop before I tap out. But at heart, in D/s, I am obedience-oriented and a pleaser, so I don't struggle or resist. I don't exhaust myself, I let my Top or Dominant do that for me based on what they. I also very much enjoy serving and worshipping. So you, to me, it isn't a one or the other. The two live together in inside me. amateur swingers
porn girl in Brockway California - asexual and kinkless, which shifted to radical lesbian feminist separatist and kinkless (you know, where orgasms come from the bliss of imagining a utopia populated by women holding hands and singing near and ferron songs in perfect -), which shifted to lesbian feminist submissive in training (extreme yet extremely desexualized immersion into the world of bdsm; submission and dissociation went hand-in hand, so submission could take on a very performative feel; NB: dissociation went hand-in-hand with all sorts of benign, day-to-day things), which shifted to longterm kinkless and monogamous lesbian relationship, which shifted to immersion in trauma recovery work and celibacy with everyone other than myself, which included a great deal of fantasy work, which then shifted to kinkless sexual exploration with men, which shifted to hardcore and heavily sexual D/s relationship/exploration/experiences with a in which i learned to identify and seek and engage the pursuit/satisfaction of pleasure (idiosyncratiy bundled in physical, metal and emotional terms), and which served to burn away the last lingering effects of trauma that no amount of talk therapy would ever touch, which led to a sense of independence, womanliness, curiosity and sexual agency wherein i am most keenly turned on by the thought of thoroughly kinked up play that falls outside the rubric of D/s power exchange. so. in hypercompressed sum: the thoroughly imbricated, non-causal, ourobourotic relationship between the complete shaking up of the sno-globe of my erotic/sexual orientation/identification/attractions and years of hardcore digging around in the muck of my psyche to eradicate or transmute every last shred of evidence of trauma-born terror. must launch into my day, check back later Plainville Indiana teen sex chat uk
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