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end in divorce. That is not as bad as it sounds. I have been divorced twice. To balance that, somebody has not been divorced. I have a sister, who is 62, has been marries for over 40 years, and a brother eho has been married for 35. People no longer focus on their marriage. They have too other things, that become more important. If most people would just sit down, and look at the marriage vows, and what is involved, they probably wouldn't the people they were going to, in the first place. Somehow, they think divorce is the easy way out. I know for me, the people I was married to, didn't change. they just became more of who they were. People used to listen to their parents, and would not think of becoming involved with somebody who could not, or would not get along with their parents. And when things get bad, they just let them get worse. If people were less self-centered, and truly cared about their families, they would not let things deterioate. Go to LTR, and look at how of those people, are in the same situation as of you, and are not even married, and are asking if they should stay with these people. People used to date, before they started sleeping with people. HAving sex with somebody creates an emotioanl bond. Once you start doing that, you lose objectivity. When you have to start spending time with somebody, and seeing who they really are, a lot of people want out. Since most people don't consider that they are going to spend the rest of their lives with the person they are marrying anyway, they don't talk about dreams, and goals. then when they get to be 50 like your friend, they find they have very different ideas. sensual mature women in 98502
Once I said to my husband, when we were having a rough time communicating, "We need to work on our communication!" He said, "No. When we are not communicating well is exactly the wrong time to work on communicating." I was so frustrated. But he was right. And you are right that the to be compatible is of utmost importance. I your other criteria, too: compromise and independence. It's all a balance, isn't it? sex chat with people from BerkeleyIt can't be all one way, or the other nor can it be completely equal. In this area, TRUST and respect matter more than any other. There's bound to be an impasse, no matter what you do. It's those times when one of you HAS to make the decision they feel is best and the other one has to TRUST in that decision and abide by it. You give the power to decide to your spouse, even if you don't agree with it. This isn't so hard to do if you TRUST your spouse to keep your family's best interest in mind. You don't have to agree with his or her decision, but you DO have to trust that s/he is making a fair and just decision. For example, we helped a family member this year with a huge project she needed a ravine cleared of trees, culverts installed, and the whole thing filled in. This required extensive use of a backhoe, chainsaws, crew to help, wear and tear on our equipment and vehicles, risk to life and limb, and $$$MONEY$$$ which neither of us had just lying around. I was deeply afraid for our budget, and argued for the project to be delayed until she could pay for it, or just abandoned (it wasn't a necessity). I could not where we'd get the money. I relented to DH, because I trusted him. And even if the project failed or went bust, I knew he would never risk our own welfare to complete it. Each week, we scrambled to find money for one part or another. We got through it, the job is 70% finished and hold for the, and didn't drive us to the poorhouse, we still eat quite well and stay warm and dry. There are other areas in which DH bends to my, too, even though he disagrees such as maintaining what we need for the house, computer equipment, and managing the weekly budget. It has worked out that he's in charge of the big decisions, and I keep all the mountains of little ones at bay so they don't become big ones. It's a workable balance of power. I don't intrude on his areas of expertise (seeing the bigger picture and planning for the future), and he doesn't intrude on mine (attentiveness to detail, keeping the machine oiled and running smoothly). One reason this works is because we know that trust is earned, not blindly given. We don't just do whatever the hell we want, because we know making a wrong move could damage trust. filipina girls
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