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My DH was raised with old school values, as I bet yours was too, that to be a '-' means you are the provider. Not a bad thing, but trick in a down economy and it can really make a great guy feel low. I've made more than my DH for a while and we've had some similar struggles. I never really expected to be provided for, so this kind of caught me off guard. A few things that seemed to help 1. Realizing that the size of the paycheck is going to fluctuate. Just because he's earning little now doesn't mean it's not going to swing the other way in the future. I remember making a hands on the hips declaration once '-, you've never lied to me, or mislead me in any way. I knew what I was getting into when I married you and when I took those vows I was damn serious I meant that better or worse part. If you think I'm bothered by a fanatical hiccup, I'm really insulted.' 2. I also remember him never feeling 'worthy' of buying anything for himself. We ended up splitting up the bank accounts 75% of each of our checks go to the joint to pay all shared expenses, and 25% going into a personal account. We both feel better about splurging on ourselves with our personal money. 3. This is what probably helped him the most I'm a independent girl. Much like my DH, the thought of being 'taken care of' kind of freaks me out. But the fact that I do it a bit now really help ME feel less guilty in the future when the situation changes. When he's making more again, if I say-loss my job, want stay home with, or start my own business, I know he'll have my back the way I had his. It's a partnership. sbf seeking single sane male 30 West Lafayette 30
Just because you don't get the exact reaction you want, doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't hear you. But it sounds like you have not been clear, at all. If you WANT this to get better, you HAVE to talk to him. Of course, ideally you'd want a conversation, but if that's not how he communicates, it doesn't mean you should just give up and break your marriage vows. Sometimes communication is difficult and scary, but if you do this you owe it to him, your relationship, and yourself. I think you need to take a minute, and write down what you'd want him to know, and what you to achieve. You need to outline clear ways to measure if he is taking this issue seriously. Once you are VERY clear with your expectations, you sit him down. You tell him something has been bothering your for quite a while and you need to share it with him because you need his help in solving this problem. Tell him you don't need a response right now, you just need him to know. Lay it all out on the table. He either take it seriously and work to fix the problem, or he wont. Do NOT forget to tell him the steps you he'll take (give you an orgasm first, talk to his doc, ect). A lot of men are doers, not talkers. NO (or woman) is a mind reader. AND, I'd get yourself a good vib and perhaps some erotica. Take matters into your own hands, so to speak. East Kilbride married women seeking menBut I have to say, just because you didn't feel a connection on date one, it be worth at least entertaining the idea of giving it another shot. Personally, my DH and another really great ltr started without that heart pounding, loin throbbing lust right away. Attraction can grow significantly with a good personality. Of course, if they hit any deal breaker, or you really don't like their personality, then don't go on a round two. And hey, you can always use the deal breaker as an excuse if that's it, or if they have a shitty personality then you wont really care about hurting their feelings. But if you are wringing your hands about hurting such a 'sweet' guy, why not give him a shot. You really never know. I have a friend (who's married now) who used to date a lot. She always said that as as she didn't HATE the guy, she'd always give him a second shot. First dates can be so misleading. She didn't 'feel it' with her DH on the first date, he was so nervous and awkward, and was even hour late she almost wrote him right off. She would have missed out on a great guy who loves her completely. dating married people
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